God Made You Perfect
by slowpoke15hi5
Summary: Edward moves to a small town in Texas and changes Jasper's world. How will Jasper deal with being Christian and gay? How will Edward convince him that God loves him anyway? Religious in nature and written for Lent 2013. AH/AU.
1. Ash Wednesday (Part 1)

Title: God Made You Perfect

Rating: M (for later chapters)

Pairing: Edward/Jasper

Genre: Romance, Friendship

Summary: Edward moves to a small town in Texas and changes Jasper's world. How will Jasper deal with being Christian and gay? How will Edward convince him that God loves him anyway?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything here; I even made up the town they live in. I just need to get writing again and thought this would be a great place to start. I don't have a beta so every mistake is mine and mine alone.

A/N: Last year for Lent I gave up p0rn. This year, I've decided to go gluten free and write every day. Oftentimes I think that Christians (and some other religions) get a bad rep among the GLBTQ community. People think that all Christians hate gay people when that is entirely untrue. This story will be mostly fluffy and lighthearted but will deal with Jasper struggling with combining his sexuality and his Faith. It will not purposely bash Christians but it may be hard for some people to handle the snide comments Jasper makes to himself at the beginning. I'll do my best to make it understandable for people that aren't Christian. If you have any questions while reading please send me a PM and I'd be happy to explain why I said something or how things commonly happen in Anglican churches.

**I'll be updating this every day (unless something happens with my Internet) but I don't know how long each chapter will be because I haven't finished the story (or even mapped it out in my head yet). I do know that it will be finished on Easter day. Please leave me some love at the bottom. Thanks for reading. **

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Chapter 1:  
Ash Wednesday (Part One)  
JPOV

The pew in the back of the church is cold when I slip into the service 10 minutes late. My hair is still wet and I'm stuck in jeans and a hoodie because I didn't have time to go home after basketball practice. Normally I try to dress up (or at least wear a button down) for big events at church but I know my mother would rather I show up dressed in jeans than not show up at all.

At the front of the chapel the preacher is just finishing up his welcome message. I've been going to church for as long as I can remember. I was baptized here when I was a baby and someday I'll be expected to marry in this church; it's just how things are done in this town. I live with my mamma and pa in the small town of Amoroso Texas; a little Podunk place just south of nowhere.

As the service goes on my mind admittedly starts to wander. I'm not proud to admit that, but hell, I've had a long day and it's hard to stay focused. I think about how practice went earlier today and what I need to work on before our next meet. Then I think about my schoolwork that needs to get done before class tomorrow and dread heading home to complete it; junior year really is a bitch. Then I think about how I shouldn't even be thinking words like 'bitch' inside the church. I wince because I just repeated it again in my head. Now it's like I can't stop thinking about words I shouldn't say/think in church: shit, damn, fuck, sex…the list goes on and on.

I'm pulled out of my own head when the people in front of me stand for the reading of the psalm. The preacher invites us to speak along, Taking out the prayer book in front of me I turn to the proper page, stand up and start to recite psalm 38 with those around me, "Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath…My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear…I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin…Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God." *****

My body is shaking slightly as I put the book back in its place and sit down. My mind is troubled and I feel like I'm trapped. In an effort to stop thinking I listen as hard as I can to Pastor Peter. He's speaking to us about what Lent means in today's world – how it's changed over time. "…not just about starving ourselves anymore. Lent is a time to think about our sins and the direction our life is headed. It's a time to reorganize ourselves so that we can be the best people we can be. It's a time to make conscious decisions to live morally and take the path of righteousness. Ask God for his mercy and let him into your heart. Let him purge you of sin and become proud of who you are…"

Maybe listening to Pastor Peter had been a mistake; instead of resting my mind and calming down, I was shaking harder than ever. I wanted to make God proud. I wanted to be the man that everyone thought I was - good, wholesome, perfect. But I have sinned. I've had immoral thoughts about other men. I've touched myself thinking of these men and for that I know I need to repent and ask for God's forgiveness. Bowing my head I pray, " God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the _courage_ to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Repeating the Serenity Prayer a few times in my head helps and I finally start to calm down. All my life I've been taught that God is there for me and he can heal me, I only have to ask for his help. Smiling a little I know that I can rid myself of sin and be a better man. Lent is the perfect time to start and with God's help I can do it.

Now it's time to go to the front and have the cross put on my forehead in ashes. There are two lines and I stand up to join the one on the right. In front of me is a familiar nest of unruly copper hair. My confidence fades and I find myself thinking that purging myself of sin may be impossible. Edward Mason will be the death of me.

To be continued tomorrow…

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A/N:

***** Passages from Psalm 38 were taken from the NIV version of the Bible.

What do you think so far? This is the first half of Ash Wednesday. You'll get more information about Edward in the next chapter. This will be a slash story- it's just going to Jasper a little time to come to terms with himself.

**Question:** Any fellow Christians out there that enjoy slash/belong in the GLBTQ community?

-Laura


	2. Ash Wednesday (Part 2)

A/N: I don't own anything you'll find here and I don't have a beta. See chapter one for more detail.

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_Previously on God Made You Perfect *cheesy voice over*..._

_Now it's time to go to the front and have the cross put on my forehead in ashes. There are two lines and I stand up to join the one on the right. In front of me is a familiar nest of unruly copper hair. My confidence fades and I find myself thinking that purging myself of sin may be impossible. Edward Mason will be the death of me._

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_Chapter Two  
Ash Wednesday (part 2)  
JPOV_

There are approximately twenty people in front of me before I'll reach the pastor; leaving me with plenty of time to think about the boy I've tried so desperately to forget about. Edward Mason and his family moved to Amoroso a few months ago from Chicago. When Edward started coming to church nobody really understood him. His parents and sister weren't religious so he always came by himself. But that's not why he's talked about wherever he goes. Edward is openly gay; and he's damn proud of it.

He knows people constantly talk about him but for some reason he doesn't care and just lets it slide. Kids at school always call him derogatory names and push him around. Even during youth group people make fun of him when our youth leader isn't listening. And yet, he doesn't back down and doesn't change who he is. In a way it's courageous. However, all my life I've been taught homosexuality is a sin and even if he's brave, Edward shouldn't be admired. Yeah, tell that to my dick.

I can't help but to think that Edward is beautiful. Not only does he have sexy, 'I just got out of bed' hair, he's got the most shocking green eyes on the planet (okay maybe not the planet but they're still stunning). His skin is pale compared to most everyone in town and it looks soft to the touch, like he uses lotion or something. His jaw is sharp and leads the eye down to his tight neck. Even from behind I can see the muscles run down his neck from behind his ears to below his t-shirt.

Shaking my head I close my eyes to stop thinking about him. It doesn't work. The image is still burning in my eyelids. Edward steps forward and I hear Pastor Peter mumble some words as he puts the ash in the shape of a cross on Edward's forehead. The returned, "Amen," is just loud enough for me to hear. As Edward turns around to head back to his seat he smiles and nods at me. Swallowing my saliva I take a step and clear My Temptation from my mind.

Pastor Peter dips his thumb into the ash paste and brings it up to my forehead. "Remember, Jasper, that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return." His thumb makes the mark of the cross on my forehead and I can feel the water based paste cool as it dries. I have a sense of ease as my soul connects to the moment and to Christ. Quietly I whisper back, "Amen." His eyes shine as he smiles at me and replies, "God bless you son."

Instead of walking back to the pew I was in before, I join my parents in the second row for the rest of the service. Pastor Peter finishes marking the last two congregates and stands in front of the alter with his hands together, "Let us pray." I bow my head and listen as he continues, "Let this cross we wear on our foreheads be a reminder of the cross you bore to save our souls Lord. Let us remember your love and in return pledge our love to you. During this season of lent help us strive to serve others as you have served us. We pray that you guide us to be better people, oh God, so that we may better serve ourselves, and those in our community. In your name we pray, Amen."

The service only lasts about three more minutes and then we're dismissed for the night. Exiting the worship hall I head with my family to the narthex to say goodbye. I have youth group for an hour before I'll head home so I leave ma and pa at the door and head to the youth room. On my way I stop to take a leak.

Everyone else is already seated by the time I've washed my hands, found the paper towels (under the sink, by the way) and made it to the room. Tyler, Mike, Jessica, Alec and Jane are sitting on the big blue sofa on the back wall. Eric, Emmett and Angela are sitting in front of them so they have something to rest their backs against. Demetri, Ben, Riley, Seth, Rosalie, and Alice are taking up the beanbag chairs while Bella and Jacob are cuddling on the love seat. That leaves Edward in the recliner. Rather than sit on the floor I hop onto the short filing cabinet and lean back against the wall. Looking at everyone I think how odd it is that all of the crosses on our foreheads look a little different. Some are small, some are big, some are dark, some are crooked, and some are perfect. _Why can't Pastor Peter make them look the same?_

Carlisle, the part time doctor/part time youth leader/full time awesome dude, comes into the room and greats us as he sits down at his desk. Seeing me he shakes his head and sighs, "Jasper, you know better. Get off and find someplace suitable to sit please." Giving him a sigh in return I start to do as he asks before I'm interrupted.

"Hey Jasper, Edward looks a little lonely over there. Maybe you could go cuddle with him."

"Maybe you could shut it Tyler and get over it. Just because you're jealous that Edward's actually getting some and you're not doesn't mean you can make fun of him!" Alice retorts on my behalf. Everyone laughs at Alice's joke as I join Bella and Jake on the love seat. Secretly I'm hoping (and then fervently trying to convince myself that I'm _not_ hoping) that Alice was just teasing and Edward isn't actually 'getting some.' Looking over at Edward I can see that is face is red but he's looking back at Tyler with defiance, not shame.

"Tyler, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Carlisle's voice is dangerously low and he does _not_ look happy. "This should be a safe environment where people can be themselves without being judged. If you have a problem with that we can discuss it later but right now we have a lot of work to do. I will not tolerate rude and judgmental behavior. Don't make me tell you again."

To be continued tomorrow…

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A/N:

Thanks for reading and a huge thank you to everyone that reviewed chapter one! Ash Wednesday Part 3 comes out tomorrow. The youth group will split off into pairs. Guess who Jasper gets put with?

**Question:** In your opinion, does (human) teenage Edward wear glasses when he reads?

-Laura


	3. Ash Wednesday (Part 3)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you'll find here and I don't have a beta – see chapter one for more detail.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who answered the question from the last chapter. I'm glad we're all in agreement that an Edward with glasses is a hot Edward indeed.

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*Said in corny daytime soap opera voice* Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_"Tyler, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Carlisle's voice is dangerously low and he does not look happy. "This should be a safe environment where people can be themselves without being judged. If you have a problem with that we can discuss it later but right now we have a lot of work to do. I will not tolerate rude and judgmental behavior. Don't make me tell you again."_

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Chapter 3  
Ash Wednesday (Part 3)  
JPOV

The room gets deafly silent. Carlisle is a quiet, gentle man and he never gets mad at us. It's unsettling to see him lose his cool like that. Tyler is looking at his hands and refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Mike and Jessica (who are sitting on either side of him) are also looking away.

Carlisle shakes his head again before turning to face all of us and continuing, "For the next six and a half weeks you'll be working in pairs to prepare your confirmation statements. Every two years the juniors and seniors need to make speeches that proclaim their faith on the day that they're confirmed, or baptized again. You'll be giving the speeches to your friends and family on Easter after the service during the celebratory brunch.

"Each person will be making their own statement but you'll be working in pairs to complete them. When describing your own faith journey it's important to share your thoughts and feelings with other people and that's why I've decided to give you partner work to complete while writing your statements. For the next month you will be getting a new question each week to answer. On Wednesdays one partner will share their answer and on Sundays it will be the other partner's turn. The idea is that you can use your four answers at the end to help you make your faith statements. We'll spend the last two weeks putting the statements together. Are there any questions before I assign your partners?"

Bella raises her and asks, "Will we work on the questions for the whole hour or do we get to do something else too?"

Carlisle smiles and chuckles a bit as he answers, "Don't worry guys. We'll spend half the time playing games and strengthening our relationship with one another and then we'll work the other half on our faith statements. It's not all work and no play; don't fret. For today you'll spend the remainder of the hour with your partner getting to know them a little better. I've assigned you partners that you normally don't associate with on purpose. I want to see everyone practicing good, Christian morals and make new friends. Are we ready to start now?"

I nod my head along with everyone else. I wish we could pick our own partners because I don't want to get stuck with Tyler or Jessica. It would be cool to work with Alice because she's in most of my classes at school so I know she's nice. Emmett and I are best friends so I know we won't get to work together. Carlisle clears his throat and begins speaking, "When I call your names please come forward and take the questions and a pencil and sit down with your partner. You can also pick up an icebreaker and answer those questions to get to know each other better. If you want to you can work out in the hall or the narthex so there's more room. Tyler and Jacob. Mike and Emmett. Alec and Ben. Bella and Rosalie. Angela and Alice. Riley and Eric. Seth and Demetri. Jane and Jessica. And last but not least, Jasper and Edward. I'll be coming around making sure everyone's on task and seeing if you need any help. Let's get to work."

One by one I watch as groups go up to get their paperwork before sitting down again. Most people elect to stay in the room so they can sit on the comfortable furniture. Edward and I go up to he desk together but I don't look at him, not yet. Carlisle hands him the papers and I grab a couple of pencils.

Before we can even discuss it Carlisle suggests, "Why don't you two go out into the hall? It will be more private and Tyler and the others are less likely to bother you there." I see Edward nod his head so I shrug my shoulders and agree, "Sure." As we're headed out the door I look back to see Alice smiling at me. Before the door shuts all the way I swear I see her give me a wink. _What the fuck?_

Edward leads us to the end of the hall close to the emergency exit where there's room to spread out. He sits down with his back against one wall so I sit across from him and mirror his position so that my legs are crossed and my arms are loose at my sides. He hands me my set of papers without saying a word and I toss him a pencil, just as silent. I watch as he pulls out his glasses case from his jeans pocket and puts them on. They're black rimmed and a bit big and kinda make him look like Clark Kent. He looks down at his paper and starts to read. Internally I'm waging a war with myself. I can't find Edward attractive because that means that I'm sinning but I can't stop staring at him and wishing things could be different. The fingers on his left hand silently tap his leg as he continues to read. Tap tap tap, tippy tap tap. Slap tap tippy tap…

All of a sudden he looks up and his stare is penetrating. "Jasper." His voice is low but sincere. "If you don't want to be my partner I'll understand but I think you should probably tell Carlisle now so he can change people around if he needs to." There it is; my way out. I could tell him he's right and that I don't want to be his partner and I could walk away right now so I'm not faced with this confusing temptation. But… I can't. At least a small part of me understands him and I can't be that big of a dick. He doesn't deserve to be treated like a dog, traded from one partner to the next without people caring. I shake my head in answer. "Nah. It's cool. We can be partners." I try to smile at him to reassure him that I'm serious. His answering smile is breathtaking because it lights up his whole face. My heart leaps in my chest and I feel anxious.

"Good," Edward replies. There's a smile in his voice and I can see his confidence growing again as he talks, "In that case, we should probably get started, shall we? Lets work on the icebreaker first. How do you want to do it – by filling it out separately and trading papers or just saying our answers out loud one by one?"

To be continued tomorrow…

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A/N: Hello again. Thanks for sticking with me so far. Your continued reviews make my day and make the writing process so much easier/faster. The next chapter will be about Edward and Jasper getting to know each other better. Thus begins the "friendship" part of our story.

**Question**: Should the next chapter have a lot of dialogue (aka answering each question out loud) or should there be less talking (answering the questions on paper and hearing what Jasper thinks via his internal monologue)?


	4. Ash Wednesday (Part 4)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you see here – for more info check chapter one.

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Your answers really helped shape this chapter so thanks for all your help :D

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Previously…

_"Good," Edward replies. There's a smile in his voice and I can see his confidence growing again as he talks, "In that case, we should probably get started, shall we? Lets work on the icebreaker first. How do you want to do it – by filling it out separately and trading papers or just saying our answers out loud one by one?"_

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Chapter 4  
Ash Wednesday (Part 4)  
JPOV

Thinking about it for a moment I shrug and say, "Whatever you want to do is fine by me. I hate making decisions – you decide."

Edward just shakes his head and me and smiles. "Dude, you're going to have to learn how to make decisions eventually. You know that right?" I can tell it's a rhetorical question. "Anyway…I guess we might as well take turns answering them out loud. Here, I'll start." Edward looks down at his paper and reads, "Question number one. Were you named after anyone?" Putting down the sheet he looks at me as he answers, "Yes actually. My middle name is Anthony and that was my Grandfather's name. But my first name is just something my parents liked. What about you? Were you named after anyone?"

His green eyes stare at me waiting for my response. The story of how I was named has been a running joke in my family for years so I smile when I answer, "Yeah. It's kind of stupid actually. See, my grandpa is a big drinker and his favorite drink is Jack Daniels. Not many people know this but the 'Jack' is short for Jasper. My grandpa suggested the idea and apparently my parents agreed. To make it even better, my pa was drinking a Jack on the rocks when my ma's water broke. It's like I'm destined to be an alcoholic or something." I smirk so he knows I'm joking and not serious about the alcoholism. "Kay…what's next?"

Looking back down he reads, "Uh…when was the last time you cried? You go first."

"I don't really remember. Probably last year when I broke my wrist; that shit hurt! I even had to wear a cast." Wincing I remember the pain but I'm brought out of my thoughts by Edward's muffled laughter. "What?"

"You just said 'shit' in church. And now I did too." He's pressing his lips together and his forehead is wrinkled. I can tell he's trying to suppress more laughter and _that_ makes me want to laugh. Before I really understand why, we're both laughing at something that's really not that funny. It only lasts for a few seconds but it broke the remaining awkwardness between us.

"Your turn," I nod at him. "When was the last time you cried?"

The smile disappears from his face and he looks down as he answers, "A few days ago. I don't really want to talk about it." The moment I realize he's serious I feel concerned. I hope he's okay but I don't want to press it. He reads the next question and answers, "Question three. Do you like your handwriting? ... Yes. My mom says it's nice. You?" By the time he's done answering he's looking at me rather than at his lap but his voice is still sad.

Shaking my head I answer, "No. My handwriting's awful. When I was a kid my teachers always brought it up at conferences. They would praise how well I was doing in class but then tell me the one thing I needed to work on was my handwriting. I haven't really gotten any better at it." Edward's smiling again. _Good job Jasper. You made him feel better. Score!_

Looking down at the paper I read question four, "If you were another person, would you be friends with you?" Edward nods yes and asks me the same thing. Thinking for a moment I decide to answer truthfully, "Depends on the day. Today, probably not." I swallow, hopping he'll decide to move on and let it be. I trust him enough to give him truthful answers but I don't know him well enough to tell him why. Hell, I don't even want to talk to _myself_ about why.

Edward looks at me and we're both silent. Eventually he frowns but nods his head like he understands. He reads the next question, "Do you use sarcasm a lot?" He shrugs his shoulders and answers, "Sometimes. If I'm friends with someone, yes. But if I don't know someone that well I'm usually pretty blunt."

I'm thankful that he decided not to make fun of me or make a big deal out of my previous answer so I make a joke as I reply. "Use sarcasm? Neeevvveeerrr. I'm always serious. Yep. Aaaalllll the time." We're both smiling again and it's nice. "Next."

"Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?"

I scoff at the question but answer anyway, "No. I just shove them off, doesn't everyone?" I meant it as a rhetorical question but he answers in the negative.

"Actually…I untie mine. And then I put them away so I don't forget where I put them."

"Seriously?" He nods his head. "Dude, that's so lame."

"Yeah? Well…you're lame…shut up. Whatever man." Edward's answer makes me laugh.

"Nice come back. Gooood job there buddy." Smirking at him I look down the list until I find one that looks interesting, "What book are you reading right now?"

Edward's face lights up as he responds, "The Book Thief."

"What's it about?"

"The Holocaust. It's really good. It's about this girl…" He keeps talking but I've stopped listening. I'm distracted by the sound of his voice. It's the first time I've heard him this animated about something and he sounds so happy. My heart starts to pound again and I try to ignore it but that only makes me think about it even more. I hate this. I hate feeling this way about a guy. I hate that I'm this way and I want to change. I need to change. I will change, with God's help.

The next thing I know Edward's hand is on my arm and he's shaking me. "…Jasper. Jasper! What's wrong?" I look down at his arm and he takes it away fast, scooting away from me like I'm on fire. _When did he even get so close?_ He sits against the wall again and I realize my hands are around my knees, pulling my legs in close to my body. Edward looks scared. "Jasper. What happened? Are you okay?"

Still disoriented I nod my head while I try to understand what happened. He's looking at me expectantly so I just start to talk, not really thinking about what I'm saying. "I'm fine; I think. I'm sorry. I was listening to what you were saying and it made me think of something and I guess I just sort of spaced out or something. I'm sorry. That's never happened before." I let go of my knees and sit Indian style. My chest feels heavy and I feel like I need to cry but I try to pretend that I'm fine.

He still looks freaked out. "You sure you're okay?" I nod my head. "Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head no. "Okay. But…um…I'm here if you want to. Talk about it that is. Anyway… lets just move on to the question for our faith statements. We don't have a lot of time left and we need to get that done. Sound good?" I nod again. It seams I'm unable to talk.

"Okay, lets see…" he begins. It almost seems like he's trying to distract me; pull me out of my funk. "The question says, and I quote, 'Why are you Christian? How did you come to this church? Why do you wish to stay here?'" He sighs and picks up a pencil. "So, do you want to start or should I? Carlisle said we should do one person today and one person on Sunday."

To be continued tomorrow…

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A/N: Wow. That got more serious than I intended but the boys wanted what they wanted and I let them lead. The next chapter will be pretty heavy too because Edward will be talking about his sexuality for the first time. It's bound to bring up feelings in Jasper. For those of you wondering, Jasper will be fine – he just had a panic attack.

Please let me know if this chapter was readable or too confusing with the way it was written. You'll get more trivia from the boys later (probably about a week away).

**Question**: Have you ever read "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak? **And**: What was your favorite youth group (or classroom) activity to play when you were in high school?

-Laura


	5. Ash Wednesday (Part 5)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you see here – for more info check chapter one.

A/N:  
Thanks again for the reviews! (40 for 4 chapters! Lets keep that going, kay?) Nobody answered the questions though :(  
Hopefully this chapter will be to your liking too. See ya at the bottom.

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Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_"Okay, lets see…" he begins. It almost seems like he's trying to distract me; pull me out of my funk. "The question says, and I quote, 'Why are you Christian? How did you come to this church? Why do you wish to stay here?'" He sighs and picks up a pencil. "So, do you want to start or should I? Carlisle said we should do one person today and one person on Sunday."_

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Chapter 5  
Ash Wednesday (part 5) Through Saturday Night  
JPOV

"Um," I mumble. Really it's a no brainer. "I don't really feel like talking right now so why don't you answer? Maybe you could talk about it and then write down your answer at home? Does that work?"

Edward pulls his legs in and sits Indian style but leans forward so his elbows are resting on his knees. "Sure. Just give me a second to think." He still has the pencil in his hand and he starts tapping it mindlessly against the floor as he thinks. He bites his lip before looking back up at me and talks, "Jasper, I know you said you didn't mind being partners and all but…my answer is going to…well, I'm going to talk about being gay. Does that bother you? I mean, is that okay?"

He looks so worried. I repeat his questions in my head. _Does it bother me?_ Yes. But I can't really tell him that because then I'll have to tell him why. _Is it okay?_ It will have to be. Before I think on it too much longer I answer, "Yeah. That's fine. I mean, we have to answer honestly, right? Go ahead. I'm listening."

His sigh of relief is audible. "Okay… here goes. I wasn't brought up Christian and my parents never talked about religion when I was growing up. When I was really young I knew that I was different from other kids but I didn't really understand why. As I grew up I began to realize that I'm gay. Back in Chicago it wasn't a big deal. Most of my friends didn't care and I never had to come out of the closet because people already knew. Even though I had great friends and a supporting family I felt like I was missing something. When we started high school I told my best friend, Aro, how I felt and he offered to take me to church with him, saying that it may make me feel more fulfilled. I didn't have anything better to do so I decided to humor him and went along.

"When we got there I was nervous because I didn't know if people would be judging me. Aro explained that his church was gay friendly and even had a few same sex couples that attended. It put me at ease but I was still worried about going into a church when I didn't know anything about Christianity.

"The service started with a few songs that they projected up onto a big screen in the front. Aro and his parents were singing along and I just listened for the most part. The music was beautiful and it was really neat to watch people as they sang. Most of the adults looked so peaceful and happy and the kids looked they were having fun. I felt safe while listening to the music.

"Aro guided me though the service as best he could, explaining when to stand and when to sit down. He told me when to read along and when to be silent. I didn't go up for communion but listened carefully to the words and tried to take it all in. When the service was over I went home and went about my life as normal but I felt different.

"I went back to church the next week and even tried praying on my own when I went home but it was awkward. On the third week I felt something special. During the confession I read along. Afterword I felt warmth in my chest. The good kind, not in a bad way, ya know?" He's looking at me, making sure I understand. Fascinated by his story I nod because I do know what he means.

He continues, "Anyway, my chest felt warm and I started to breathe deeper. I felt strong and in control of my body and so safe. The feeling didn't last very long but I took it as a sign that God was there. Ever sense I've believed in God and learned as much as I can. Because I didn't grow up as a Christian I'm still learning things but I think my faith is pretty strong."

Edward's story makes me think. I can't imagine becoming Christian when I didn't know anything about it beforehand. He's really brave. And his faith must be really strong. _But how is his faith so strong?_ I struggle every day with my beliefs. I get so angry with God because I like men. If liking men is a sin why did God make me this way? How is Edward so at peace with it all? Channeling my inner Gryffindor I ask, "Edward, how can you be both Christian and gay?"

He looks a little hurt at my question but has an answer ready. "You're not the first person to ask me that; it's one of the first things my parents asked me when I told them I believed in God. It's complicated. I guess the simple truth is that, to me, being gay isn't a sin. God doesn't make mistakes and that means he made me gay on purpose. Why would he make me gay if it's a sin Jasper? God wants people to love each other. If two gay men can be in a committed, loving relationship how is that a bad thing? I know straight people that are in relationships with abuse and they hate each other. Am I supposed to believe that God is happier with them than me? How can I?" We're staring at each other and his eyes are pleading with me to understand, to agree with him.

"I agree with Edward, Jasper." Both Edward and I jump and my heart skips a beat. Carlisle had snuck up on us while Edward was talking. Now he squats down in the middle of the hallway, facing us. "God teaches us to love. His own son died on the cross because he loved us so much. In my opinion it's more of a sin never to love at all than to love a man. Just because Edward's love might look a little different than mine doesn't mean it's bad." He smiles at us both and gets up saying, "I was just coming to check on how things were going. It's almost time to wrap up. We have about five minutes left." He turns back and starts walking down the hall to the youth room.

"Carlisle, wait!" I shout after him. He comes back and I say, "I don't mean to sound rude, but I've always heard people say that God hates gay people. I just don't understand how there are two different opinions."

It's Edward that responds, "People that say those things also say things like, 'God hates black people' because there were slaves in the bible. They have old-fashioned ideas and believe more in the God of the Old Testament than the merciful, loving God of the New Testament."

Carlisle nods his head in agreement. "But what about Sodom and Gomorrah?" I question back.

The blond man shakes his head and answers, "That passage of the Bible is often misquoted or used by people that have never actually read it. People think God destroyed the cities because of homosexual people living in them. If you read Genesis chapter 19 carefully however, you'll understand that God is angry with the men because they were going to commit rape, not because they were gay. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head back to the room to get ready for the closing prayer." He gets up and leaves.

Edward clears his throat and I look up to see him looking angrily at me. "Listen. If you didn't want to be my partner, fine. But next time just leave rather than pretend to be nice to me, asshole." He stands up and starts to follow Carlisle.

Quickly I stand up too. Before he can walk too far I follow him and grab his arm to hold him back. "Wait. Edward, look at me." He turns so he's facing me. His face is still upset but at least he's listening. "I'm sorry, okay? I was just repeating what I've heard before. That's the way I was raised Edward. People in this town don't like gay people so that's all I've ever heard, all I've ever known. I'm just confused. Give me some time to try and understand. You can't expect people to change their understanding in the span of a few minutes. I'll think about what you and Carlisle said. I don't hate you and I wasn't trying to be an asshole." This is so frustrating. It's hard to console someone else when you're feeling confused and frustrated yourself. "Look, lets just go into the room and I'll let you know on Sunday how I feel about everything after I've had a few days to think about it. Deal?"

His body is still ridged and I know I hurt him but he nods his head in agreement. "Okay." I let go of his arm and follow him into the room. Carlisle nods at us as we enter and tells everyone to stand in a circle for closing prayer. Edward and I end up standing on opposite sides but I can see him clearly if I look up.

Grabbing the hands next to me I bow my head and hear Carlisle start, "Dear Lord, thank you for your love and patience in this season of lent. Please be with us as we work on our faith statements and strive to understand both you and ourselves better. Open our eyes to new ways of looking at things and help us to be better people for it. Teach us your morals Lord as we spend the week thinking about what being a part of your Church means to us. In your name we pray, Amen."

It feels like Carlisle was speaking directly to me. I swallow and my chest hurts. I'm confused and don't know what to think. Looking back up at Carlisle I see he's smiling at me. Edward has already left and Alice has a thoughtful expression on her face. Everyone else is saying goodbye to each other. I'm not much in the mood for socializing so I head to my car and drive home. I turn up the music on full blast, trying to delay thinking for a few minutes.

I don't remember much of the next few hours but I know I finished my homework and said goodnight to my parents after eating a hurried dinner. I get ready for bed and climb in, turning off the light. I stare at the ceiling until sleep finally overcomes me.

The next three days are spent like a walking zombie. I can't decide if Carlisle and Edward are correct and God loves homosexuals or if I've been right. When I think about it hard enough I can't even pin point who told me that God hates gay people. It wasn't my parents or Pastor Peter. It was just something I knew; like it had been said around me enough times in my youth that I took it for fact. But now the people I look up to don't seem to be bothered by Edward being gay. Does that mean that it's okay to be gay? That I don't have to change who I am?

Google is a marvelous invention but three days of searching hasn't led me anywhere. One side of the issue says that I'll be going to Hell for even thinking (let alone masturbating to thoughts) about men. The other side says that I'm not hurting anyone and what I do isn't sinful. I don't know who to believe anymore.

And then I have a revelation. I think, fuck it. I still believe in God _and_ I like men. I can't think that's a sin because that would mean that I'll be going to Hell. And that is not a _viable_ option. Therefore, I'll be friends with Edward and I'll admit (at least to myself) that I'm gay. And I'm Christian. And that's okay.

To be continued tomorrow…

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A/N: Sorry I finished Wednesday's chapter on a Sunday and I'll be starting Sunday's chapter on a Monday (tomorrow) but I'll catch up soon and things will be posted on days that make more sense. I just had to get the back-story off and rolling and it took three days longer than I thought it would. My bad.

Tomorrow's chapter should be a bit lighter and fluffier :)

**Question**: Week two or week three? (I won't tell you what this means but I need an answer *smirk*.)


	6. First Sunday in Lent (Part 1)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight and no copyright infringement is intended. I just want to have fun playing with the characters.

A/N: **Please Read:** I'm sorry for not posting this yesterday (Monday) when it was due. I've been having some emotional problems because of a death in the family and therefore didn't get it written on time. **However,** that means both yesterday's chapter and today's chapter will be posted today; yay! The votes are in and you guys decided on week two. Hope you enjoy…

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Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_And then I have a revelation. I think, fuck it. I still believe in God and I like men. I can't think that's a sin because that would mean that I'll be going to Hell. And that is not a _viable_ option. Therefore, I'll be friends with Edward and I'll admit (at least to myself) that I'm gay. And I'm Christian. And that's okay._

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Chapter 6  
First Sunday in Lent (Part 1)  
JPOV

On Sunday morning I get up around eight so I could eat breakfast and be ready to go by eight forty-five. Youth group starts at nine and then there's a church service afterword at ten. Sometimes I'll get up early and go to the service that starts at eight instead but that doesn't happen very often. I like my rest. Besides, most of the kids from youth group go to the late service and it's more fun if they're there.

I get into the car with my parents at ten till and we pull into the parking lot just as Jacob and Bella arrive. I say goodbye to my parents and they head to the parish hall for adult Bible study. Following the two teenage lovebirds I go to the youth room.

Most people are here already and I make a mental note that I have to start getting here earlier or I'll end up sitting on the floor. As it is, I grab the last beanbag. Edward is sitting with Alice and Jane on the loveseat to my left with a black notebook folder in his lap and his reading glasses already on. He looks up at me and I smile at him, trying to tell him without words that I'm not going to act like a jerk today. Emmett is sitting next to me and we talk about the team until Carlisle comes in at five after.

"Good morning!" The man is unreasonably chipper in the mornings. "Welcome, welcome. It's time for another beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and we're here to worship God. It's going to be a marvelous day." Most of us chuckle at his exuberance. But you gotta love him anyway; Carlisle is truly a shining example of someone who God's light shines through. Even if he's a big cheese ball, he's still the kindest man I've ever met.

"Okay," he begins, "Today we're going to work with our partners for half an hour then we'll get back together as a group to play a game. I was impressed with some of the conversations I heard on Wednesday so keep up the good work. Alice, Angela, make sure you get some work done this morning and don't talk about fashion the entire time; again." Everyone laughs and the group breaks up into partners.

I grab some pencils from the desk and pull out my folded paper from my back pocket. Edward and Carlisle are talking in hushed voices over by the couch so I give them a moment. When they both look at me I wave and smile, tilting my head toward the door. Carlisle grins and nods while Edward visibly exhales and stands up to join me.

"Hey." It's a lame greeting but I don't know what else to say. I've never been very good with apologies but I know I owe him one for how I acted. "Let's go. We need to talk."

He nods his head in agreement and follows me out the door and to the back of the hall. I sit down criss cross applesauce and gesture for him to join me on the floor. When he does, he sits across from me, keeping distance between us. And he stares. I can tell it will be up to me to start this conversation.

Sighing, I start, "First off, I'm sorry for coming off like a jerk on Wednesday. I didn't mean to upset you by the questions I asked; I was honestly just confused. But, that doesn't excuse my behavior. I should have known that it would make you uncomfortable." I can't look at him as I continue so I look down. "It's just that I've never been very good at expressing how I feel and it takes me a while to process things. I don't deal with change very easily and I was being asked to change my views on something that I apparently didn't have all the facts about.

"I've done a lot of thinking this week and I've decided that you and Carlisle are right. God is love and that's what's most important. I'm okay with you being gay Edward; that was never the problem. It just brought up some stuff that I didn't want to think about and that I really don't want to talk about right now. But…yeah…that's all I've got to say. Are we cool?"

I now look up at him to see a thoughtful expression staring back at me. Finally, his eyes soften and he nods. "Sure Jasper. Thanks for the apology. I admit, I probably freaked out a bit more than necessary too; it was just a long day and I was tired. We both need to learn how to chill. So…our faith statements. Where were we when we got sidetracked last time?"

My chest feels lighter now that he's forgiven me. "Well, last time you told me about Aro and why you're Christian but you never talked about why you chose this church to go to. You should probably finish yours before we start with mine."

"Okay." Edward opens the folder he's brought with him and takes out his sheet. I can't read the words he's written from here but I can see that it's in cursive. My eyebrows shoot up and I can't help but to think, 'fancy! But how old fashioned.'

He starts to talk, "I didn't have any choice to move here because my dad needed to move for work. My little sister, Irina, was having trouble at school with some bullies so she wasn't happy there – or my mom would have considered staying in Chicago with us while my dad was here. Regardless, I had to move here.

"The first week at school was tough because I was new. Then I met Alice and she took me under her wing; she's become my best friend. She told me about this church so I decided to come here with her and I've liked it well enough.

"I went to an Episcopalian church in Chicago so adjusting to a nondenominational church has been different but not bad. The songs are different and the version of the Bible is different but I like most of the changes. In other words, I'm pretty happy here so I'll stay until the end of high school or until I move again. Your turn." He looks at me expectantly.

Looking down at my sheet I remind myself of the question. _Why are you Christian?_ I should have spent time earlier thinking of my answers so I didn't waste any time but I'd been so focused on 'the whole gay thing' I didn't have much time. I have no idea how to answer the first question. It should be a simple answer but my mind draws a blank on anything meaningful I can say.

Therefore, I answer with the truth. "I don't really know why I'm Christian. I guess I was brought up to be but I've never really given any thought as to why I believe in Christ." Saying it out loud makes it worse. _Have I really been going to church my whole life and never thought about why? _Then, mumbling to myself, I whisper, "Do I even _believe_ in God? What an awful thing to say. Ugh...I'm going to Hell."

I expect Edward to laugh but he doesn't. Instead he moves forward to the middle of the hallway so he's sitting closer to me but still facing me. "Jasper, you're not going to Hell, calm down. Take a deep breath." Noticing my breathing for the first time I'm shocked to realize that I'm taking short, shallow breaths and my chest hurts. The more I think about it, the harder it gets to breathe.

"Bring your knees up and lean forward." His voice is soothing and I do what he says. "Good. Now bow your head and follow me. Breathe in, two, three. Out, two, three. Good. In, two three. Out, two three. Great, keep going. In. Out. In…" Eventually I feel my breathing become normal and my muscles relax. Slowly I lift my head and look at him. He's sitting close to me now, kneeling toward me on his knees with his hands on his thighs. When he sees that I'm breathing better he sits back but still focuses his attention on my face.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions and all I want you to do is nod your head yes or no; no talking. Understand?" I nod yes.

"Good. First question – just a moment ago you said you were going to Hell. Do you believe in Hell?" I think for a moment and nod yes. "Okay. Do you believe in Heaven?" I nod yes again. "Okay; good. In that case, do you believe there is somebody watching you to decide if you'll go to Heaven or to Hell?" Thinking about it for half a second I nod yes. "Do you believe that _that_ somebody is God?" Again, yes.

He raises his eyebrows at me and smirks, nodding. "See Jasper, no need to worry. You do believe in God and you're not going to Hell. Now all we have to do is figure out why you believe in God and you're good to go. I think that's the whole point of the questions anyway – to get us to think about why we believe in God in our own words. Maybe question one was hard for you to answer and you'll have better luck with question two next week."

Edward is being so kind and I don't know how to react. I've now had two panic attacks and subsequent life altering moments in front of him but he's been nothing but nice to me in return. I just don't understand why I feel so off balance with him around. Logically I know I believe in God and I have for years but I don't exactly know why. And right now I'm still trying to figure out why I keep loosing control.

"Are you going to be okay?" His question doesn't come as a surprise but the sincerity and earnestness behind it does.

Bringing my knees back down I sit cross-legged again as I answer, "Apparently I'm just second-guessing everything right now. But I'll be fine. I just don't really want to talk about it if that's okay."

He smiles and responds, "You don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want to but you should probably talk to someone. Carlisle might be a good choice. He's helped me though some stuff in the last few months and he's a good listener… And he's good at keeping secrets," he adds as an afterthought.

I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to anybody, even Carlisle but I promise myself to think about it. It's scary being out of control of my own mind and maybe talking is what I need. I don't know though. In an effort to stop thinking about it, I look around.

My watch says we have about ten minutes left before we need to go inside for the group activity. I tell Edward this and he suggests that we should share more of our answers from the icebreaker until it's time. I think it's a good idea but I don't have the sheet anymore. When I tell Edward he just shakes his head at me and pulls out his own sheet from his binder. He shifts back to a seated position and the atmosphere becomes lighter again.

"If you were a crayon, what color would you be?" he begins.

"What kind of question is that?" I scoff.

Shrugging, he answers, "I don't know – but whatever. I guess I'll have to answer with… silver. Now just answer the question and get over it." He's smirking at me and behind his glasses I can see a sparkle in his eyes.

"Fine. Forest green."

**To be continued later today…**

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A/N: Sorry this is kind of long but important-

I know that some of you may be thinking Jasper's behavior is out of whack during this chapter but I have my reasons for doing things this way. In real life when a teenager goes through a major life altering moment (read, 'Holy shit, I'm gay') and they are bad at expressing their emotions, one of two things can happen. First, they can bottle everything up again and find it even harder to feel in the future. Or, they start second guessing everything they know about themselves and have to eventually come to the realization that not much else has changed.

Jasper is having the second reaction. It will take him a bit of time to realize that he's still the cool, confident, guy he's always been – even if he now knows he's gay. After another week or so we'll stat to see Jasper the way he normally behaves with people. Just cut him some slack for the time being because he's having problems sorting through things in his mind.

**Question**: What color crayon would _you_ be? **And**: What is your favorite dessert?

-Laura


	7. First Sunday in Lent (Part 2)

Disclaimer: Don't own anything Twilight and I never will…yadie, yadie, yadie…

A/N:Thanks for all the reviews (even those of you that don't log in!) :D I tried really hard to make this chapter less heavy and more fun.

I hope it worked.

See ya at the bottom.

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Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_"If you were a crayon, what color would you be?" he begins._

_"What kind of question is that?" I scoff._

_Shrugging, he answers, "I don't know – but whatever. I guess I'll have to answer with… silver. Now just answer the question and get over it." He's smirking at me and behind his glasses I can see a sparkle in his eyes._

_"Fine. Forest green."_

* * *

Chapter 7  
First Sunday in Lent (Part 2)  
JPOV

I can't believe I just said that. I was looking at his eyes and it just popped out. My _real_ answer is sky blue but I guess it's too late to say that now. Clearing my throat I ask, "What's next?"

Edward looks down at the paper and reads until he finds a question he likes, "Do you have any special talent?" He looks back up at me waiting for me to answer first.

"I like to sing. Does that count? Oh…and I can make my tongue into the shape of a clover, see?" I open my mouth and demonstrate my awesome powers.

He laughs while shaking his head. "Dude, you're so weird."

"What?" I pretend like I don't know what he's talking about.

"Never mind; it's not worth it." He's still chuckling.

"That's what I thought," I smirk. "Now that you've seen what I can do, will you tell me what special talents are hidden up _your_ sleeve? Hummmm?"

He guffaws at me but answers, "I play the piano and I like to bake. Here, you choose the next question." He hands me the paper and I take a few moments to look it over before picking my favorite.

"What is the first thing you notice about people?" I ask.

"That's hard because I've never really thought about it but I guess I notice people's smiles – then the color of their hair? Maybe it's the other way around, I'm not sure. You?"

"Their hands." I won't tell him why; it's too embarrassing. I may not say it out loud but my brain conjures the pictures anyway and suddenly I'm getting too warm as I picture pale, long, strong fingers sliding up and down my cock. Swallowing uncomfortably I hope Edward doesn't see my blush. I hand the paper back to him indicating that he should pick the next question.

"What was the last movie you watched?"

Thinking about it for a moment I find my answer, "Lincoln. It was in theatres a few months ago."

"You haven't seen anything since?" He sounds incredulous.

"Well, yeah, but that was that last one I saw in theatres."

"What about at home? What was the last one you watched there?"

It takes me a moment to think of my answer. I watch a lot of movies when I'm stressed out because they help me calm down. "I think it was Remember the Titans. I watch it all the time though so I can practically 'play' the whole movie in my head without actually having to watch it. What about you?"

"The Breakfast Club. My little sister hadn't seen it and she's old enough now to like most of it. She's been feeling down about not having many friends yet so we hung out all day yesterday and watched a bunch of stuff."

"Yeah?" I don't have any siblings but I've always wanted a little brother or sister that looks up to me. "What else did you see?"

"Uh…let me think." He starts to count off the movies on his fingers, "The Princess Bride, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, The Land Before Time (don't ask), and Peter Pan, the Disney version. I think that's it."

He sounds so lassie-fair when answering but there's something special about him. The more I get to know him, the more I realize that Edward is one of those people that genuinely cares a lot about the people around him. I haven't heard him complain once about his move down here but I know he rather be back in Chicago with his old friends. He just sucks it up so his family is happy. It's rather inspirational.

Looking back down at my watch I say, "I think we have enough time for one more question before we have to head back in. You pick."

"Uh…Mountain hideaway or beach house? I'd choose the mountain hideaway because then I might get to see my favorite animal."

"What's your favorite animal?"

"Mountain Lion."

"Cool…I don't know which I'd chose because I've never been to either. I don't get out much. The only vacation I've been on was to Six Flags, but that was when I was 10 so it was a while ago."

"You've never been to the beach?" Edward is looking at me like I'm crazy.

Shaking my head I answer, "No."

"But _I've_ been to the closest beach, and I've only lived here for two months! And it's winter! It's only three hours away; what's wrong with you?"

I shrug my shoulders. People are always surprised to find out that I haven't traveled. It's not that I don't want to, I just choose not to spend the money on it when I don't have to. Well, that and because I hate making decisions.

Edward's still shaking his head in disbelief as he puts his papers away and stands up. "We have to fix that. You realize that, right? We'll all have to go as a group someday so you know what it's like. We could probably even rent a beach house for a night or something so more people could come."

Maybe it should sound odd that Edward is already including me in future plans but it doesn't. In fact, it sounds like a lot of fun. Maybe we could get the whole youth group to go sometime when the school year is over. As he opens the door Edward is looking at me like he's expecting something and I realize he's waiting for some kind of response. Nodding my head I answer. "Sounds good to me."

We get back in the room a few minutes before we need to. Carlisle is talking to Alec and Ben about something in the corner and it looks like everyone else is done. We're walking to the beanbag chairs as Tyler comes up behind Edward and sneers, "Hey gay boy, want a piece of this?"

Edward just rolls his eyes but for some inexplicable reason I decide to comment, "Hey Tyler, desperate much? I mean, come on! We all know you want to get laid but now you're just acting like a slut."

"Piss off Whitlock. I wasn't talking to you." Tyler sounds furious but it just makes me want to laugh.

"Eww," I retort, "Now you want me to piss on you? That's just nasty dude. You need some help."

Tyler stalks off and sits on the couch, grumbling to himself as he goes. I hear laughter from the other side of the room and look to see Emmett cracking up. He gives me a thumbs up and then goes back to his conversation with Rose. On his other side Alice is grinning at me and looking proud of herself; an odd combination. Edward stops walking and looks at me with surprise written all over his face. "Thanks," he states.

"No problem," I whisper before giving him a smile.

"Boys, lets keep our conversation appropriate please," Carlisle chides us from across the way. Before we can get to the beanbag chairs he continues talking, only this time he's addressing everyone, "Okay guys, work time's over. Time to play! Everybody sit down in a circle please. It's time to play a little game I like to call, Honey I Love You."

To be continued tomorrow…

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A/N: I have to say, I rather like making Tyler the bad guy; it's fun. Sunday will be wrapped up tomorrow (on Wednesday). I'll be catching up with the proper days of the week by next Wednesday. Sorry for any confusion that causes.

Thanks for reading and being so cool about the late chapter! And thank you for everyone's continued support about my great-grandmother's death. She was 101 so she lived a good life but it's still sad to see her go. It's taking my mom pretty hard which is what is making me sad in turn but I'm grateful for your prayers.

**Question**: Anyone ever played Honey I Love You? **And**: What is/was your favorite youth group game/activity?

-Laura


	8. First Sunday in Lent (Part 3)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Twilight (or anything related to this story in any way). I have no beta so all mistakes are my own. I'm not a religious expert, just a religious person.

A/N:

***Peeks out from behind computer screen* "You still there?" **

**I'm so sorry for how long it's taken to update this. Real life has thrown a pile of things on me at once that I was mentally not prepared to deal with. Rather than make this story reflect my mood (and therefore become depressing and tragic) I thought I should wait to write until I was feeling well enough to do it justice. Now that my life is back on track I should have regular updates again. Sorry for flooding your inbox with updates…my bad. I'll be posting 5 chapters today and more tomorrow.**

***Also - After this chapter I will be limiting myself to 1,000 words a chapter because I'm already making this story longer than intended. So enjoy this 2,000+ word chapter while you can get it.**

I hope the game makes sense for those of you that have never played. If you have any questions send me a PM and I'd be happy to clarify. It's also really easy to find the rules with a google search.

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect...

_"Boys, lets keep our conversation appropriate please," Carlisle chides us from across the way. Before we can get to the beanbag chairs he continues talking, only this time he's addressing everyone, "Okay guys, work time's over. Time to play! Everybody sit down in a circle please. It's time to play a little game I like to call, Honey I Love You."_

* * *

Chapter 8  
First Sunday of Lent (Part 3)  
JPOV

This announcement is greeted by cheering on Emmett's part and groaning from Alec and Jessica. Personally, I like the game but I don't really see what all the hype is about.

After we're all sitting down (Emmett on my Left and Angela on my right) Carlisle starts to talk again, "It's been a while sense we've played so let me refresh the rules for you. One player will be in the center of the circle and they'll crawl up to someone. For example, Alice get into the center please."

Alice makes a big show of crawling into the center of the circle and holding her arms up with a big smile on her face as if proclaiming herself as queen of the world. I smile at her antics and hear Edward chuckle from across the way.

"Now, pick someone and go up to them," Carlisle continues. Alice starts crawling toward Rosalie. "Good. You have three tries to make Rose laugh. You can only say the words, 'Honey if you love me won't you please, please smile?' The first time you have to say it normally. The second time you can say it strange or you can make silly faces. The third time you can touch her while you say it; appropriately touch her. The goal is to make the other person smile. Go ahead and say it for the first time."

I can only see the side of Alice's face and not her whole body as she sits back on her feet and straitens her shoulders, "Honey if you love me won't you please, please smile?" Her voice is dripping sweetness and even though she's only on the first try I'm ready to laugh; Alice just has that affect on people.

"Nicely done Alice. Now, Rose, respond with, 'Honey you know I love you but I just can't smile.'" Carlisle is also looking amused as he watches.

"Rosalie sighs and gives a fake glare at Alice as she answers, "Honey I love you. But I just. Can't. Smile."

Alice moves a few inches closer and starts laughing hysterically, right in Rosalie's face. She adopts a ridiculous French accent and breathes, "Honey…If you luurrrveee me, won't you, please, s'il vous plaît, smile?" Then she growls and makes a clawing motion in the air.

Emmett starts cracking up next to me and I'm tying so hard not to laugh too. Rosalie however, is stone faced as she replies, "Honey you know I love you. But I just can't smile."

Alice shakes her head and smiles. "Good." She scoots forward until her knees are hitting Rosalie's lap and she drapes her hands over the blonde's shoulders. Then she rests her forehead on Rosalie's and she breathes on her face. Her voice gets low and husky as she whispers, "Rosie baby…I mean….Honey…If you love me." She makes a big kissing sound right next to her ear. "Won't you please, pretty please baby, won't you smile?"

Bella, who's sitting next to Rosalie is laughing so hard she's practically crying. But no, Rosalie, ice queen that she is, isn't fazed. "Alice Honey, you know I love you but I just can't smile for you. I'm sorry."

Alice scoots back and glares at her. Shaking her head she talks out loud to herself, "I just can't believe it…seriously Rose?" Rosalie just shrugs in apology.

Carlisle puts his hand over his mouth to hide his own smile and looks at Alice, "I'm sorry Alice. Better luck next time. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And then again, but stop after the third person and give someone new a try."

Alice pouts and looks around the circle to find her next victim. Her eyes light up when she sees Jacob trying to keep a straight face. "Bingo." She crawls over to him and simply starts to talk, "Jacob, Honey, if you love me…" Jake can't hold it anymore and his face cracks into a big grin.

"Not fair Alice. You suck." Jake and Alice switch places and Jake starts crawling to Emmett. He stops half way there and changes direction mumbling, "…too easy. Where's the fun in that?" He stops in front of Mike. "Hey Mike buddy…Honey if you love me won't you please, please smile?"

Mike shakes his head and responds, "Jake man, you know I love you but I just can't smile."

Jake pulls out the big guns and starts singing in a crazy operatic voice, "HOOOOOnneeyyy, if yyyOOOoou loooooVVVee, meeeeeeeeeeeee, won't you PlleeeEEEEeeeeEEEEeeeEEEEsss …" Mike's eyebrows lift up and his lips start quivering. "PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEsssse smIIIIIII…" Mike looses it and starts busting up laughing. Jake gives him a high five as they switch places and wishes him good luck.

The game continues and people start to switch places. Soon almost everyone has had a chance to go. Right now it's Jessica's turn. It's no secret she hates this game so she barely even tries as she first goes to Demetri, then Alec and finally Seth. And even Seth, who constantly has a smile on his face, keeps a blank stare as Jessica talks to him.

Carlisle asks her to choose someone who hasn't been in the center yet and she picks Edward. Suddenly I'm paying very close attention. I don't quite understand why I'm noticing him more now but ever since I admitted to myself that I'm gay I can't stop thinking about him. It's like I've been noticing him on a subconscious level and now that I'm allowing myself not to be disgusted with the idea, I'm having my first crush; and it's very confusing. It probably doesn't help matters that we're partnered together and he's been so nice to me.

Edward switches places with Jessica and looks around trying to decide who to go to. He finally decides on Angela (who's still sitting on my right). His reading glasses are now tucked into the v on his T-shirt so his eyes look extra bright as he comes closer. He kneels in front of her and smiles as he asks, "Honey, if you love me won't you please, please, smile?"

Next to me Angela shakes her head and answers, "Honey I love you but I just can't smile."

He tries again and makes his voice really high pitched, "Honey if you love me will you please, please smile?"

Angela sticks her chin out and shifts her eyes to the side as she answers, "I love you but I just can't smile."

This time Edward puts his hand on her shoulder and meows. Angela opens her mouth in an oval shape to keep from smiling as he paws her shoulder. "Meow. Honey if you love me, meow, won't you please, please smile? Meow."

Now Angela sucks in her cheeks and takes a deep breath before answering, "You know I love you but I just can't smile." She lets go of her breath and relaxes as he takes his hand off her shoulder. As soon as he looks around for someone else she grins and starts shaking her head in amusement.

Carlisle starts talking from somewhere behind me, "Edward, pick someone that hasn't had a chance yet. Everyone, raise your hand if nobody has picked you yet."

I put my hand in the air and so do Emmett and Tyler. Everybody else has at least had a chance to try keeping a straight face. As soon has Edward looks at Tyler the boy's face changes to a look of disgust as he sneers, "Don't even think about it gay boy. There's no way I'll let you touch me."

"Shut up jerk." The surprise defense comes from Mike. He looks mad but also disappointed in his friend.

"Tyler, that's enough. Please leave the room. You can come back on Wednesday and try again. I'm very disappointed in you. In the meantime, please think about what it means to treat people with God's love." Carlisle's voice is tired and defeated.

"Whatever, losers." Tyler stands up and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Good riddance," Emmett whispers to me. I smile at my friend and nod my head in agreement. Tyler's an ass and he doesn't deserve to be here if he can't be kind.

Carlisle clears his throat and speaks, "I'm sorry Edward. If you still feel like playing, please continue."

I'm brought back to the game as Edward looks between Emmett and me and nods his head. His face is guarded and he takes a deep breath before shrugging his shoulders. He crawls a foot over and settles in front of me. _Shit._

Smiling at me he speaks in a normal voice, "Jasper, honey, if you love me will you please, please, smile?"

His eyes are shinning and he's smiling so that I can see his white teeth. Every impulse in my body is telling me to smile back at him but I can't; I want to win. "Honey I love you but I just can't smile."

That was hard. And I think I'm blushing a little. It's not like I'm in love with Edward yet, but I certainly have a crush on him and telling him I love him, even if it's in a game, is crazy scary.

Edward's grin gets even bigger. When he speaks next it's with a British accent. "Jasper, honey, if you love me please, pretty please, let me see your gorgeous smile."

He called my smile gorgeous. And he talked with a British accent. I think I just lost my balls and grew a vagina cause, wow, that was hot! I have to blink really fast and think about loosing my favorite video game in order to gain control over my mouth so I don't smile. "Sorry Edward. You know I love you but I just can't smile."

There, I did it. Only one round left. Edward's eyes crinkle at the corners as he continues to smile at me. He looks over his shoulder at Alice and chuckles. Then he scoots forward and his knees knock mine. He drapes his arms over my shoulders and his hands lock together behind my neck; practically mirroring the pixie's move from earlier with Rosalie. My eyes open wide as Edward moves his face forward and stops a few inches in front of me.

I'm vaguely aware of the laughter next to me as Emmett shakes back and fourth in mirth. My face is burning and I know I'm blushing but I can't stop. Edward is so close to me and his hands are so warm. The smart thing to do would be to smile now and get it over with; but I've never been that smart.

I gulp in air and force myself to look at Edward's face. He speaks softly, barely loud enough for me to hear him, "Jasper, sweetheart, if you love me will you please, please smile?"

Looking at his mouth I know he's speaking but my ears stopped focusing on his words after he said 'sweetheart.' Now all I can do is stare at his mouth. _God I want to kiss him._ My pulse speeds up and it seems to rush into my ears.

I snap out of it when I feel Emmett's hand slapping my back and hear his booming voice in my ear, "hahaha. Your turn dude."

Blinking I look at him to make sure I understand what he's talking about. It's then that I notice Edward his removed his hands and he's moved away a bit. He's still smiling at me and I see a slight blush on his cheeks. Then I realize that I have a big, goofy grin on my face too. Now I'm embarrassed and I try to cover it up by laughing.

Before I can switch places with Edward, Emmett leans over and whispers in my ear, "We are _so_ going to talk about this later, lover boy." I don't respond and I can't think of what to say as I switch places with Edward but I'm scared. If Emmett saw my reaction to Edward, who else did?

It's my turn to pick someone and Emmett is the last person left. I feel like a robot as I move in front of my best friend for my turn; my body moving without my brain telling it to. Emmett's face is already trying to hold back a smile. I open my mouth to start speaking and he laughs hysterically.

"Dude, your face! Ha!" he laughs. Then quietly he whispers to me when he gets up to change places, "It's okay man. Cool it; everything will be fine." I nod that I heard him but I don't know if I agree with him or not.

"Okay Emmett," Carlisle starts, "go ahead and pick someone so you have a chance to try and then it'll be time to end the game."

Emmett gets a mischievous look on his face and winks at me before turning around and approaching his girlfriend. Rosalie quickly smiles at him then makes her face into a blank mask. He practically purrs as he crawls toward her, slinking his way across the circle. When he reaches her he sits up on his knees and stretches his arms out to the side, showing Rosalie is muscles.

"Rosie, darling of my life, Honeybee, if you love me won't you please smile for your Teddy Bear?"

The rest of the girls around the circle are smiling at him. I am too; I can't help it. Emmett is such a softy when it comes to his girlfriend. He can be a hardass out on the court but you bring Rosalie into the equation and he might as well be a big pile of mush.

She gives him a look that clearly reads 'Really, that's the best you've got?' and answers, "Emmey-Poo I do love you but I just can't smile right now."

At her response the rest of the circle laughs and there's a chorus of "Emmey-Poo" that travels around from person to person. The tension I'm feeling starts to slowly dissipate as I watch my best friend make a fool of himself.

Emmett affects a sigh and exaggerates a sad expression – pushing out his bottom lip into a perfect pout. Blinking his lips he whines a little and pleads, "Rosie, Honeybee, please, please, please, please, pretty please smile for me?"

Shaking her head she replies, "That's not going to work Emmey-Poo. I love you but I just can't smile."

Now Emmett laughs maliciously and nods his head. He climbs onto Rosalie's lap and thrusts his hips forward slowly as he settles into place. Then he wraps his right arm around her shoulders and leans back, looking into her eyes while biting his lip. He cups his left hand around the side of her neck and slowly moves it down, past her clavicle and lower and lower, sweeping it along the underside of her breast until he lets it rest on her side.

Rosalie's face goes from cold-hearted-bitch to in-heat-bitch in no time at all but she's still not smiling. "Aren't you supposed to say something dear?"

Emmett smirks and continues, "Right. Rosalie honey, if you love me won't you please, please, smile?" On every word he thrusts his hips and pulls them back, essentially giving her a lap dance. Finally, Rosalie cracks a smile.

My face reddens more at the display and I'm aware of how warm Edward's body is sitting next to me. Looking around the circle I see a few of the girls shifting around a bit and poor Ben looks like he's going to die.

"Oow!" Mike shouts out. "Go get 'er boy!"

The rest of the group either laughs or is embarrassed depending on their natures. Jane, who's now sitting to my left, has her hand over her eyes and she's shouting, "My retinas, my retinas! Tell me when it's safe to look again!"

"Okay, okay. Everyone settle down. Emmett, get off of your girlfriend and next time try to keep it church appropriate please. Rosalie, don't encourage him; he'll get in enough trouble on his own. Everyone, stand up. It's time for closing prayer." Carlisle's words might be strong but his face is flushed and he looks uncomfortable. It must be awkward to see two of your 'students' dry humping each other.

After a bit of shuffling around, we all stand up and grab the hands next to us. Jane's hand feels cold and a little clammy. In contrast, Edward's hand is warm and strong. He has such long fingers and they wrap around the back of my hand holding me firmly. _Don't think unholy thoughts, don't think unholy thoughts…_ And I'm still blushing.

"Dear Lord, thank you for the friends we've made here and the fun we can have together. Thank you for filling our hearts with joy and happiness as we rejoice in your spirit. Be with us God as we continue to grow in knowledge and faith, especially over the next few weeks as we work on our faith statements. In your name we pray, Amen."

To be continued…

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A/N: Again, I'm sorry it's taken so long to update. Real life is a pile of shit right now. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I'll still be asking questions at the end of most chapters so be ready for that. Thanks for sticking with me!

-Laura


	9. First Sunday in Lent (Part 4)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the story. I have no beta so all mistakes are my own. I'm not a religious expert, just a religious person.

Last chapter of the first Sunday in lent.

A/N: Hope you enjoy…

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

"_Dear Lord, thank you for the friends we've made here and the fun we can have together. Thank you for filling our hearts with joy and happiness as we rejoice in your spirit. Be with us God as we continue to grow in knowledge and faith, especially over the next few weeks as we work on our faith statements. In your name we pray, Amen."_

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Chapter 9  
First Sunday of Lent (Part 4)  
JPOV

"Amen." Everyone leaves the youth room at once and we head to the worship hall (nave). Alec chooses a row about half way down on the right and sits down. We follow him into the pew and take up the one behind him as well. There are a few minutes before the service will start and the musicians are warming up at the front, filling the room with off key sounds while their instruments are tuned.

I follow Emmett into the seat on my right (with Rose sitting next to him) and Alice takes the seat to my left, leaving Edward next to her, finishing off the pew. Most of the congregation is here and mingling with each other before the service starts. I stay with the youth group but wave to my parents as I see them come in and take a seat up front.

When everyone else is talking I lean over and get Emmett's attention. He lifts an eyebrow at me and waits for me to speak. Grabbing hold of my courage, I whisper in his ear, "I don't really want to talk about what happened right now but I promise I will soon. I just wanted to say thank you for diverting everyone's attention with that crazy stunt you pulled. You're a good friend."

He leans back and smiles at me, bumping my shoulder with his fist as he proclaims, "No problem man. You've had my back before so it's only fair. Besides, that's what friends are for. We don't have to talk about it now but I do want some answers. Kay?"

I nod, silently telling him we'll talk soon.

Emmett continues, "And you know I'm chill, right? Like, I won't make fun of you or anything. You do know that, right?"

Again, I nod. It's scary that Emmett can read me so well. I've never had a good grasp on my emotions so oftentimes Emmett can tell how I'm feeling before I realize it myself. Now that I'm finally starting to understand myself, I feel so vulnerable and I don't want anyone else to notice.

The music starts while I'm lost in thought and Alice pokes me to get my attention. "Stand up."

Shaking my head I come back to the here and now and focus. Because we're a nondenominational church and we have people from different backgrounds we always start and end the service with song but keep the middle section for prayer and readings. We only share communion bi-monthly.

I open the bulletin and sing along with the lyrics printed on the sheet. It's one of my favorite songs and singing it makes me feel free; I forget all of my other drama and for the first time today, I'm truly present in the moment. Alice is moving her hips from side to side next to me and she has a huge smile on her face. Emmett is singing off key but enthusiastically on my other side. It's peaceful.

We sing four songs before Pastor Peter gets up to lead us in prayer. He reminds us that lent is a season for finding the light and strengthening our love for Christ. He asks us to keep open hearts and minds as God's spirit moves within us and to not be afraid of his greatness.

Once we're seated again Pastor Peter begins to read the lesson (Deuteronomy chapter 8, verses 1-10). "This entire commandment…Remember the long way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, in order to humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart…Know in your heart that as a parent disciplines a child so the Lord your God disciplines you…For the Lord your God is brining you into a good land, a land with flowing streams, with springs and underground waters welling up in valleys and hills…You shall eat your fill and bless the Lord your God for the good land that he has given you."*****

After listening to the reading I feel even more peaceful and calm. When Pastor Peter begins dissecting the lesson and giving the sermon I feel light and carefree. He's reminding us that we're on a journey with Christ and that we will not reach the end yet but to keep traveling because the benefits at the end will be worth it.

I smile unconsciously as the service continues. We don't have communion this week so the service is a little on the short side. Before we're dismissed, Pastor Peter gives the announcements. He tells the congregation about how the youth group is starting their faith statements and encourages parents to share their own thoughts with their children. Then he reminds us that we have a short service on Wednesday at seven o'clock. Lastly he tells us the yearly finance meeting will be in two weeks and he'd love it if the adults in the church wanted to attend.

"Go in peace to love and serve the Lord," Pastor Peter finishes.

"Amen," we respond before the band starts to play again. Some people leave as the music plays but those of us in youth group stay in our seats and clap along with the beat. It's a song we don't sing often so I have to look at the words in the bulletin to sing along. Alice shares my bulletin with me because she somehow lost hers within the last hour. To her left Edward is singing along with his eyes closed and a big smile on his face. I suddenly can't focus on the lyrics anymore as all of my attention is directed to the blissful look on my crush's face.

My heart starts beating faster and I have to swallow to get rid of the saliva in my mouth. For the last hour I've been able to get Edward out of my head and concentrate on something else; now he's wormed his way in again. I'm still not sure how to handle having a crush. I feel like I'm somehow going through puberty for the first time four years after the rest of my friends. Yes, I've had the physical responses to my hormones changing but I've never dealt with the emotional crap that comes along with it.

All of my education has to taught me that when I'm feeling unsure about something, that I should seek guidance from an adult. Logically I know this would be a good course of action but I can't talk to my parents like I normally would when I'm confused. I'm not ready to tell them I'm gay; what if they don't accept me? I'm reminded of Edward's words from earlier today, 'Carlisle might be a good choice [to talk to when your upset]. He's helped me though some stuff in the last few months and he's a good listener… And he's good at keeping secrets.'

By the time the song is over and we all start to walk out to the narthex my mind is made up. I say goodbye to Emmett, telling him I'll see him tomorrow at school. I smile and wave to everyone else as I go find my parents. When I reach them I tell them I'll meet them at the car and that I need to go back to the youth room for something.

They tell me to hurry up because grandma is coming over for lunch and I nod my head in understanding. Quickly I go back to the youth room. Carlisle is sitting at his desk answering an e-mail. When he sees me come in he stops typing and turns his chair so he's facing me; I know I have his full attention.

"What's up Jasper?"

Taking a deep breath I respond, "Carlisle, I need to talk to you about something. I don't really have time today because my grandma's coming over but maybe we could talk after youth group on Wednesday?"

He's looking at me with concern in his eyes but he has a warm smile on his face. "I'd be happy to talk with you Jasper. I can't after youth group because I have another meeting I need to facilitate but I can before youth group starts. Would that work with your basketball schedule?"

"I'll make it work. Thank you Carlisle."

"Great. Can you get here by 6:30 so we have half an hour to talk before the service starts? Will that be enough time?"

Nodding my head I tell him I'll see him on Wednesday at 6:30. My heart is pounding in my chest and I'm freaking out a little but I know I need to speak with someone about how I'm feeling. I meet my parents out at the car and we head home. I try to put my nerves behind me and be happy that my grandma is coming. It's going to be a long couple of days and I can't decide if I'm looking forward to my talk with Carlisle or if I'm scared to death. One thing's for sure, Wednesday will be an eventful day.

To be continued…

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Who's excited for the big talk on Wednesday? I know I am. Reviews make me smile like a looney person.

*Passage form the Bible was taken from _The New Oxford Annotated _version.

-Laura


	10. Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 1)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the story. I have no beta so all mistakes are my own. I'm not a religious expert, just a religious person.

A/N: Enjoy…

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_Nodding my head I tell him I'll see him on Wednesday at 6:30. My heart is pounding in my chest and I'm freaking out a little but I know I need to speak with someone about how I'm feeling. I meet my parents out at the car and we head home. I try to put my nerves behind me and be happy that my grandma is coming. It's going to be a long couple of days and I can't decide if I'm looking forward to my talk with Carlisle or if I'm scared to death. One thing's for sure, Wednesday will be an eventful day._

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Chapter 10  
Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 1)  
JPOV

Grandma's visit was nice. She brought her phone with her and I taught her how to text me. She's been sending me messages ever since; it's hilarious. My favorite is probably, '_Jazzy, I misplaced my peanut butter. Did you eat it when you visited me last?_' She must have a sixth sense because she was totally right; I finished it off last Saturday.

She comes over to the house at least once a month and I try to visit her as often as I can. Whenever I have a big event going on for school she always comes and supports me. I'm happy to have her in my life.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to look at the message. Speak of the devil. '_Jazzy, I'm coming to your game this weekend. Should I wear my pink or purple dress?_' It's Wednesday right before school gets out and I shouldn't even be looking at my phone right now but I'm too on edge to care. At least Grandma's message makes me relax long enough to smile. I respond, '_The purple one. And make sure you pair it with that fetching red hat.'_

Mr. Banner is droning on about symbiotic relationships from the front of the classroom. My phone buzzes again. I can just imagine the bite in Grandma's tone, '_Jasper Hale Whitlock! I'm an old lady, not a loon who prances around the park with a gaggle of old geese. You should be ashamed of yourself; teasing an old lady like that. I'll wear the pink dress_.'

I chuckle out loud at her response. Eric, my lab partner, raises his eyebrows at looks over at me but goes back to paying attention when I shrug my shoulders at him. Eventually the class ends and we're released for the day. I quickly make my way to Emmett's locker and intercept him before he heads off for practice.

"Yo, Emmett," I yell as he slams the locker door shut, "Wait up. I have to leave early today and can't make it to practice. I already talked to coach Swan but I wanted you to know so you don't wonder where I am."

His eyebrows knit together and he looks taken aback. "What's up? Where you going?"

I look him straight in the eyes and answer, "I have to talk to Carlisle about something before the service tonight and I don't want to be late. I'm just going to spend the next two hours at home catching up on some homework from last week."

Emmett smiles at me and nods his head in understanding. "Any chance you're ready to talk to _me_ yet?"

His tone is playful so I know he's not too worried about it. Still, his words make my heart beat faster and my armpits itch. "Not yet. Maybe soon?"

Again, he smiles at me and I'm grateful I have such an understanding friend. I'm sure Emmett already knows what I'm going to tell him but he's waiting for me to say it. I'm rather tempted to hug him. God, I _am_ turning into a girl.

I say goodbye to Emmett and make my way home. My mom looks surprised to see me but I tell her I needed to come home to work on homework before the service tonight and she seems happy I'm putting my education first. The next two hours pass rather quickly as I eat a snack while finishing my English paper that's due tomorrow; we've had two weeks to work on it and I only just started today.

My parents wave goodbye as I head to church half an hour early but don't seem concerned about the time. I guess I'm lucky to have parents that don't constantly hound me about where I am. They trust me enough to take my word at face value and accept whatever I say as fact. I try not to use their trust to my advantage but one time last year I totally went to a party when I told them I was going to spend the night at Emmetts.' They never caught on. That was the first time (and only time) I've been drunk. I think about the party and the raging hangover I had as I drive.

The church parking lot is almost empty when I arrive. Most of the lights are still off and it's kind of creepy walking down the hall to the youth room in darkness. When I reach the door I knock and push it open when I hear Carlisle tell me to 'come on in.'

He's sitting at his desk but he's not alone. On his lap is his girlfriend, Esme. She's been with us on a few youth group outings but she doesn't go to our church. I used to wonder why until Carlisle explained that Pastor Peter doesn't like that they lived together but aren't married. Therefore Esme goes to a church closer to their house to avoid any drama for Carlisle at work. She's a nice woman and I always look forward to having her along as a chaperone. She's just as nice as Carlisle but she also has this fiery sense of humor that cracks me up.

When she sees me she slides off Carlisle's lap and comes to give me a hug. I return her hug with equal warmth and giggle as she lifts me off my feet for a few seconds; gosh she's strong. When she pulls away she greets, "Hey Jasper, Long time no see. How've you been?"

I smile back at her and tell her I've been okay. She gives me another smile and nods her head before leaving me alone to talk with Carlisle. "Well, I'm off. Take care Jasper. Hope to see you again soon!"

"Bye Esme!" I shout as she walks out the door. Turning back to Carlisle my lightheartedness goes away and I'm suddenly reminded of why I've come. Taking a few breaths I mentally remind myself that I need to talk about what it's like having a crush. The last few days haven't been any easier for me to handle and I'm about ready to explode.

Carlisle stands up and walks to the couch, gesturing for me to join him. When I've sat down on the other end and faced him he asks, "So, Jasper, what did you want to talk about?"

To be continued…

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A/N: Please drop me a review; I'd love to hear your thoughts.

-Laura


	11. Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 2)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the story. I have no beta so all mistakes are my own. I'm not a religious expert, just a religious person.

A/N: Nothing new to report…

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

"_Bye Esme!" I shout as she walks out the door. Turning back to Carlisle my lightheartedness goes away and I'm suddenly reminded of why I've come. Taking a few breaths I mentally remind myself that I need to talk about what it's like having a crush. The last few days haven't been any easier for me to handle and I'm about ready to explode. _

_Carlisle stands up and walks to the couch, gesturing for me to join him. When I've sat down on the other end and faced him he asks, "So, Jasper, what did you want to talk about?"_

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Chapter 11  
Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 2)  
JPOV

I look at him and blink in silence. He is a patient man and continues to wait for a response but I don't know how to start. I'm still scared that I find men attractive. Now I'm not only going to be acknowledging it to Carlisle, but this will be my first time ever saying the words out loud.

"…Uh…" I shrug my shoulders and my left leg starts to bounce a bit – a nervous habit I don't know how to break. "I…Uh…That is…Gosh this is hard."

His brown eyes are filled with concern and something else I'm not quite able to place – understanding_, acceptance maybe_? He leans forward a little and rests his arms on his legs while looking down at his hands and nods to himself for a bit. I can tell he's going to say something and that he's thinking hard about what it is before he says it. Finally, he looks back at me and starts, "Jasper, I think I know what you want to talk about but I don't want to put words in your mouth. I want you to know that you can talk about anything with me and that I won't tell anyone else – unless your life is in danger.

"I need you to understand that I won't judge you and that I'll try to help in any way I can. I'm not a father Jasper, but I think of you, and everyone else in the youth group, as my children. Sometimes there are problems that people have to deal with and they need to talk to someone about them. It's not always possible to go to our best friends or our parents to talk and I understand that. I just hope you know that I'm a person you can talk to if you need to get something off your chest. God is a great listener too. But I know how nice it can be to talk things through with another person as well."

He knows; he has to. Now all I have to do is tell him. I can't look at him so I stare at the old Veggie Tales poster on the wall as I talk, "I didn't really know who else to talk to. I realized something last week that I think I've known for a while but was trying to ignore. And now that I've realized it I don't know how to handle myself."

I quickly look back over at him and see that his gaze is focused on me. He doesn't appear to be disgusted or upset. My breathing is coming a little bit quicker but I take a deep breath and turn away again before I continue, "It's something that I used to think was disgusting. But now I'm not so sure how I feel. I mean, I know I don't think it's disgusting anymore but I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I guess logically I know that it really shouldn't be a problem. But right now I'm not exactly thinking logically.

"I'm having a problem separating my brain from my emotions. And I don't do well with emotions, I never have. It's like my head is trying to tell the rest of me to calm down and be quiet but my body is a giant jumble of nerves and butterflies and warmth and just, chaos." Now that I've started talking it's like I can't stop.

"Ever sense I admitted to myself that I'm gay, I can't tell my body to calm down. Oh my God. I just said it out loud. I'm gay. Holy fuck. I'm gay." My breathing is coming in short bursts and I'm feeling light headed all of a sudden. The room is too bright and I know I'm freaking out.

And then I feel arms around me and Carlisle is pulling me close. "Shhh. It's okay son, it's okay." His arms hold me tight and I slowly become aware that I'm shaking. His voice is soothing as he tells me everything is going to be fine and that he's proud of me for telling him. I know that I'm crying, and embarrassed, I try to pull away. He just tightens his grip for a few seconds before he lets me go and stands up from the couch.

_Why is he standing up? Is he afraid that he caught my gayness or something?_ But then he's sitting back on the other side of the couch again as he hands me the tissue box and tells me to blow my nose. I do as he suggests.

He smiles at me and says, "Thank you Jasper. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that. Are you feeling okay?"

I nod my head yes but am still trying to slow down my breathing so I can blow my nose.

"I'm so proud of you for not only telling me, but for admitting it to yourself; I know that couldn't have been easy. When you were talking, you said something about your body feeling warm and like it had butterflies. Was that because of the realization that you're gay or because of something else?"

It takes me a few moments to realize what he's talking about but finally I remember what I said. "No. That is, it took me a long time to admit to myself that I'm… that I'm gay. And then it took a while for me to believe that God still loves me. You and Edward helped with that. And before you ask, no Edward doesn't know about me – I didn't tell him.

"But after all of that I started to get these other feelings. For as long as I can remember my friends have been talking about what it's like to have crushes on people but I've never really understood. As soon as I admitted my…inclinations… it's like puberty finally caught up with me. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about…things…and…um…this guy…since."

Carlisle's face breaks into a grin and he nods at me to continue.

"Carlisle, I don't know what to do with a crush. I mean, I like someone but I don't know what to do about it. And I can't really talk to anyone else because nobody else knows I like guys. I can't stop thinking about him and it's distracting. It's hard to focus on school or basketball. I just want my emotions to go away so I can think about other things. But then again, maybe I don't. Does that make any sense?"

Once again Carlisle is smiling at me. "Yes Jasper, it makes sense. You're emotions are trying to play catch up with the last few years. It's going to take some time to feel like you understand what you're thinking and feeling but that's normal. It feels that way for everyone – you're just experiencing it a bit later than most people. That doesn't make it wrong. If you don't mind me asking, do I know him?"

To be continued…

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A/N: Rise of hands, how many people think Carlisle already knows the answer? How many people think he knows more than that?

Reviews are love.

-Laura


	12. Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 3)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters but the plot is my own. I also don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own.

A/N: Lots more dialogue in this one. I totally said I was going to do 1,000 words or less a chapter. I still can't make it less than 1,200. I hope you enjoy…

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

"_Carlisle, I don't know what to do with a crush. I mean, I like someone but I don't know what to do about it. And I can't really talk to anyone else because nobody else knows I like guys. I can't stop thinking about him and it's distracting. It's hard to focus on school or basketball. I just want my emotions to go away so I can think about other things. But then again, maybe I don't. Does that make any sense?" _

_Once again Carlisle is smiling at me. "Yes Jasper, it makes sense. You're emotions are trying to play catch up with the last few years. It's going to take some time to feel like you understand what you're thinking and feeling but that's normal. It feels that way for everyone – you're just experiencing it a bit later than most people. That doesn't make it wrong. If you don't mind me asking, do I know him?"_

* * *

Chapter 12  
Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 3)  
JPOV

My eyes widen a bit and I can't believe I didn't think about this. I wasn't planning on telling him who it is that I like, just that I like someone. Gathering up the courage, I nod yes; I still can't look him in the eyes though.

"Do you know if he's gay too?"

Again, I look down at my feet as I nod yes.

"Is he gay?"

Nod.

"Does he go to our church?"

I don't even have to nod because my blush is answer enough.

"I won't tell him Jasper. But I think that it's good news."

Startled by his words I snap my head up and look at him, confused. "You do? Why?"

"Because, Edward's a good guy Jasper. And I think he could make you happy." His eyes have a twinkle in them and he's smirking at me as he answers. Hearing him say Edward's name out loud like that makes my cheeks heat up even more and my mouth suddenly feels dry.

"Please don't tell him." Logically, I know he won't but I feel like I have to say it.

"I would never do that Jasper. Your feelings are your own to tell. I know you're probably not ready to tell him how you feel yet. But you may want to tell a friend so that you have someone your own age to talk to about it."

"Emmett already knows. At least, I think he does. He guessed after we played Honey I Love You on Sunday. I told him I'd talk to him later but I'm not sure how to bring it up."

"Hummm…" Carlisle looks like he's trying to come up with a solution but when he speaks again his voice is unsure, "That's going to have to be up to you Jasper. I won't make that decision for you. But I do think Emmett's a good choice to talk to. You boys have been friends forever. If anyone will help support you, it will be him. If you're uncomfortable talking to him alone I don't mind being there for moral support."

Smiling for the first time since I sat down on the couch I shake my head. "That's okay Carlisle. I should probably talk to him in private anyway. Thanks for the offer though."

He smiles back as he responds, "No problem kiddo. So, you feeling better now, now that you've talked to someone about how you're feeling?"

"Yeah. Thanks again, really." I start to walk toward the door but Carlisle speaks before I take a few steps.

"Not so fast Jasper. Please sit back down." His voice sounds uncomfortable but he still has a smile on his face as he gestures to the couch.

I don't understand why he wants me to stay but I sit down anyway.

Carlisle clears his throat and talks, "I don't know how long you're going to wait to talk to your parents about your sexual orientation, and frankly, it's none of my business. But, like I've said before, I think of you as a son and therefore I'm going to fill in for your father for a moment. This might be a little awkward but there are some things you need to know.

"Jasper, I'm not naive enough to believe that most teens wait until they're married to have sex …"

_Oh God…He's not seriously talking about this is he? At church! Oh my God this is so embarrassing. _

"… In fact, studies show that most young people loose their virginity by the age of 17 and you're already 17 so I want to make sure you understand things before you get that far. When you're having anal intercourse it's important to always …"

I try to listen as Carlisle talks without actually picturing anything he's saying. The analytical side of my brain appreciates what he's trying to do, honestly. But the larger part of me just wants to shrivel up and die. Still, I try to listen because I don't actually know a lot about gay sex and I should probably listen for future reference.

"… to find the prostate …"

I can't help it, I'm totally picturing what he's saying. And even though I'm embarrassed as all Hell, and he probably is too, I can feel my body start to react to what he talking about.

"… make sure to wash the area thoroughly before you or your partner …"

Some of the things he's talking about I've never even heard of before. My face is flushed and my armpits itch from sweating so much. I can even tell my hands and feet are warmer than usual.

"… remember to use a new condom. Any questions?"

Thankful that he's finally done talking and that I can go I shake my head no and exit the room as fast as I can. I nearly run into Pastor Peter as he walks out of his office at the same time. I barely notice but mumble an apology as I keep walking away from the youth room at top speed.

My only thought is to get home so that I can either attempt to stop thinking about the sex talk, or take care of my body's reaction to the talk – I haven't decided which yet. Regardless, I won't be staying for church tonight. I feel guilty about it but I promise myself I'll pray before I fall asleep tonight to make up for it. I feel guilty for that as well. But I'm still not staying.

There are people waiting in the narthex for the service to start. The clock above the door says it's five till. My parents drive into the parking lot as I exit the building and I wait for them to park the car while trying to think up some excuse for leaving early.

Mother sees me and comes to give me a hug but I step back before she can; I don't want to hug her while I'm still so worked up. She frowns at me and asks what's wrong. I tell her I don't feel well and that I'm going home before the service starts; I make up an excuse about having a stomach ache. She lets it go when I tell her I want to make sure I sleep well so that I can go to school tomorrow and go to practice. I tell her I don't want to miss two days of practice in a row or I'll be benched for Saturday's game.

She reaches out and touches my forehead and says, "You're probably right dear. You're a bit flushed and I don't want you to get any worse. Go home and take care of yourself. Do you need me to make you some soup?"

I can't not smile at her concern, she's so kind. "No ma, I'll be okay. You go enjoy the service with pa. I'll just head to bed straight away and get some sleep. Goodnight."

We part directions and I drive home while listening to the radio. The entire time I'm thinking about how my conversation with Carlisle went and his talk after words. My body is _still_ warm with embarrassment and I can't help but to imagine some of what he was talking about.

Once I get home I sit on my bed trying to decide if I should take care of my not so little problem or if I should just take a cold shower and some sleeping pills to pass out.

To be continued…

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A/N: This is the last bit I'll post today but I'll keep writing after I get back from the play I'm going to tonight. I'll do my very best to post at least five more (if not more) chapters tomorrow to help make up for my lack of postings.

So… what do you think Jasper should do? Take care of his reaction to the sex talk or take a cold shower ;)

-Laura


	13. Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 4)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but I do own all mistakes in the story because I don't have a beta.

A/N: Hello again…here's the first post of today's chapters. There will be two more right now and a few more after I've had some sleep.

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_We part directions and I drive home while listening to the radio. The entire time I'm thinking about how my conversation with Carlisle went and his talk after words. My body is still warm and I can't help but to imagine some of what he was talking about. _

_Once I get home I sit on my bed trying to decide if I should take care of my not so little problem or if I should just take a cold shower and some sleeping pills to pass out._

* * *

Chapter 13  
Second Wednesday in Lent (Part 4)  
JPOV

Oh who am I kidding? I still don't feel comfortable masturbating to thoughts of men. Yes, I've done it before – when I was so horny I couldn't think straight (no pun intended). Regardless, I should just take a cold shower and go to bed. I'm exhausted anyway; crying and confessing your sexual identity will do that to a person.

I grab some PJ's and head to the bathroom to take a shower. Turing the water on to a slightly colder than comfortable temperature, I climb in and wash. I sing to myself in order to keep my brain distracted from the conversation earlier; it mostly works. I'm able to think about the confusing lyrics rather than my talk with Carlisle.

By the time I'm done washing my body has cooled down and I'm starting to get even more tired. Showers always put me to sleep – that's why I've never understand people that can take them in the morning to wake up. Drying off I pull on my sweats and v-neck and brush my teeth. Opening up the medicine cabinet I take two Melatonin and swallow them dry before turning off the light and walking back to my room.

I pull my phone out of my jeans pocket on the floor and plug it into the charger sitting on my nightstand. Then I turn off my computer and flip the lights. Finally I climb into my bed and yawn as my head hits the pillow. Closing my eyes I attempt to think about anything other than my conversation with Carlisle or Edward. It's not working very well.

All I can think about is what Edward is doing during youth group today because I'm not there to talk to. Did he have to get paired with someone else? Will I loose him as a partner? _Shit_! But maybe that would be a good thing. You know, separate myself from the temptation or something. No. I would be very sad to find out that I would have to get a new partner.

Turning over on my other side I attempt to leave those thoughts behind me but when I close my eyes I can't help but to picture Edward's face. I repeat the game from last week when Edward's face was so close to mine and what it felt like to have his arms wrapped around my shoulders. He was so warm and solid feeling. I want to feel his hands on the back of my neck again. I want to know what it would have felt like to lean forward just a little bit and kiss him. I want…

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by my phone beeping. I consider ignoring it and even close my eyes again but think better of it when I realize that maybe the text will distract me from my thoughts – which can only be a good thing at this point.

Reaching behind me with my right hand I blindly try to find my phone without turning around to look for it. Eventually I feel the cool metal on my hand and pull it toward me only to have it get stuck because it's attached to the charging cord. Grumbling I roll over and unhook it from the cord before unlocking it to read the message. It takes a few moments for me to adjust to the brightness of the screen. When I can see properly again I notice the text is from Emmett.

'_Hey dipshit. Why aren't you at church? Yo mamma said you ain't feeling too good?' _

I laugh out loud at his text. The boy is practically a genius and he goes around texting like that just to annoy me. Shaking my head I reply, '_Sorry dude. I'm feeling fine. I just didn't want to go to church after my talk with Carlisle; it was kind of embarrassing. So I told ma I'm not feeling well and I came home.' _

I check the time and notice he's probably in the middle of youth group right now. Again I shake my head. Emmett's reply comes quickly. '_Embarrassing? Do tell!_'

'_Not right now. But I should probably talk to you in person about it. Want to come over and have dinner here tomorrow after practice? We can talk then_.' I take a deep breath and wait for his reply; it's not every day you get prepared to have a potentially friend-altering conversation with someone.

'_Ur on! Like donkey Kong! See ya tomorrow looser :)_'

'_You're such a dork. See ya then :D_' I can't help but to smile at Emmett's antics. He's such an idiot but he's my best friend anyway. I put my phone back on the charger and turn back over to sleep. It's been an emotional day and something tells me tomorrow isn't going to be much easier.

To be continued…

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed.

**Question:** When you get a text/email/phone call at night when you're trying to sleep do you ignore it or answer it?

-Laura


	14. Second Thursday in Lent

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters but I do own my plot and the make-believe town they live in.

A/N: Thanks for your continued support…

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

'Ur on! Like donkey Kong! See ya tomorrow looser :)'

'You're such a dork. See ya then :D' _I can't help but to smile at Emmett's antics. He's such an idiot but he's my best friend anyway. I put my phone back on the charger and turn back over to sleep. It's been an emotional day and something tells me tomorrow isn't going to be much easier._

* * *

Chapter 14  
Second Thursday in Lent  
JPOV

Waking up and getting out of bed was hard today; I probably shouldn't have taken two Melatonin last night – one would have been enough. As it is, I was barely on time for school and had to skip breakfast because of it. By the time lunch rolled around I was starving! Okay, not really, but I was extremely hungry.

I sat at my usual table for lunch, surrounded by the team. Emmett kept trying to talk about my conversation with Carlisle but I told him I didn't want to talk about it in the middle of the cafeteria and that we'd talk today after dinner. The rest of the team was oblivious to our conversation, thank God, and were instead discussing our odds for the game this weekend. Once Emmett got the hint, we joined in on the conversation and played up our chances of winning.

Practice was hard. Coach made us run drills for the first hour and by the time we actually started playing ball my legs were killing me. Jacob practically passed out because he didn't have enough to drink but was fine after his dad (Coach Black) made him sit down for a bit. Before practice ended Coach had us sit in a circle and we worked on some "visualization exercises" for the last ten minutes. If you ask me, it's a bunch of bull and is just glorified meditation but Coach is insistent that we practice it.

Emmett's appetite never seizes to amaze me. I mean, I'm a growing boy too and I eat my fare share but he ate at least twice as much as me if not more at dinner tonight! I'm just glad I remembered to tell ma that he was coming over or the rest of us would have starved. He even had third helpings of dessert before we helped clear the table and went to my room to talk. I closed the door behind us and sat at my desk.

I've been trying to avoid thinking of this conversation all day and I've done a fairly good job of ignoring it. However, Emmett is now sitting on my bed waiting for me to start talking and I'm nervous. I'm 99 percent sure he already knows what I'm going to say but that doesn't make it any easier. What if I'm wrong and he doesn't know? What if I'm right and he hasn't said anything before now because he's disgusted? What if he…

"So Jasper, how long have you liked dick?"

My jaw drops open and I blink several times before I can come up with a response. When I finally speak I'm not very eloquent, "Wh..wh..what?"

He has a smirk on his face and seems to be enjoying himself immensely. "You heard me. How long have you liked the dick? You know, Cock, Penis, Pecker, Package, Unit, Member, Weiner, Prick, Ding-a-ling? I could continue if you like. Sausage, Noodle, Love Muscle, Magic Mushroom Tip, the Third Leg."

I continue to stare at him. I literally don't have a clue what to say to that.

So he continues, "That is what you wanted to talk to me about, isn't it? That you like guys?" He's asking a question but saying it like it's fact, like he already knows the answer. "So, what I'm asking, is how long have you known? How long have you liked the Mr. Happy, Tonsil Tickler, Heat-seeking Love Missile, Long Dong Silver, One-eyed Trouser Snake?"

This time he waits for me to answer before talking again. Well, at least I was correct, and he _had_ guessed. It won't come as a surprise to him. My brain takes a few more seconds to process what he's said and I do the only thing that seems reasonable. I laugh.

And laugh.

And then laugh some more. "Long Dong Silver? Really Emmett? Ha! That's hilarious!"

He laughs with me and suddenly any awkwardness I was feeling has completely dissipated. Trust that fucker to make me laugh rather than have a serious conversation. He's quite possibly the best friend ever.

When our laughing dies down I finally answer his question, "I guess I've known for a while now but I only admitted it to myself last week. I don't think I've ever liked girls but I wouldn't let myself think of guys. Until a week ago I thought God hated gay people. And I didn't want God to hate me."

Emmett scoffs. "That's ridiculous! Why would God hate gay people? I mean, shit, he's the one who made you. Why would he make something that he'd hate? You didn't seriously think God hated you, did you?"

I don't say anything and just look back at him. Eventually I nod my head yes.

"Shit…" He makes sure I'm looking at him before he continues. "You know that's crazy right? God still loves you Jasper. You know that now, right?"

I nod my head yes but he must be able to see the uncertainty in my eyes. "Don't be ridiculous Jasper. God loves you. End of story. And I still love you too so don't freak out about that either. I mean, you haven't changed any. And now maybe you'll actually be interested in talking about sex. I mean, I was starting to worry about you – never wanting to talk about girls. At least now I know why. All you needed was to talk about the right gender."

My face is heating up and I know I'm blushing but I also have a smile on my face. Emmett just said he still loves me. I'll never be interested in Emmett as anything more than a friend but I still love him like crazy. He's my best friend and the closest thing I'll ever have to a brother. I would be lost without him. To hear him tell me that he doesn't care that I like guys is a huge relief.

His eyes have a twinkle in them and his smirk gets bigger. "So, Jazzy, tell me why you were so embarrassed after your talk with Carlisle. What happened?" He may be over 200 pounds and 6'4'' but Emmett loves to gossip like a thirteen year old girl.

I'm sure my face gets even redder but I answer him anyway. "I told Carlisle that I'm gay and he gave me the sex talk."

"Holy shit! That's fucking funny man. Ha ha ha. Seriously? Ha ha."

His laughter is infectious and soon I find myself laughing with him again. I guess looking back it actually is pretty funny but I'm still a bit mortified by it all. It was so awkward and he knew so much. I wonder, not for the first time, if he just knew all of that off the top of his head or if he looked it up in preparation for our talk.

I can tell Emmett still has something he wants to ask so I say, "Go on. Get it off your chest. I know you have some questions for me."

He nods his head and smiles some more as he talks, "So…you like Edward huh?"

_Oh dear_. I nod my head yes.

"Have you told him?"

I shake my head no.

"Why not?" He sounds genuinely confused.

"Just because I'm gay and he's gay doesn't mean he likes me back Emmett. Besides, I wouldn't know what to say. I've never liked someone before. I don't even know how to tell him." My voice betrays me and I know Emmett can hear the insecurity in it.

"Are you nuts? Of course he likes you back. Did you see him last week?"

"What do you mean?"

"God you're dense. When we were playing Honey I Love You he was practically in your lap. He was staring at you like you were a piece of meat Jasper. In a really good way if you ask me."

I'm shocked. Emmett thinks that Edward likes me? For the hundredth time this evening my face breaks out into a grin. "Really? You think he likes me?"

Emmett starts laughing at me and nods his head yes. "Yeah dude. And you should see your face. You look like a love sick girl! Ha."

"Hey! Just because I'm gay doesn't make me a girl!"

"Duh. But right now you're acting like one. Grow some balls man and ask him out. The worst he can do is say no."

I shake my head no. "I'm not ready for that yet. I'm still trying to get used to the idea that I like guys. And I really don't think he likes me as much as you think he does."

"Your loss then. Just think, if he says yes you could end up with your dick in his mouth. How awesome would that be?!"

"Emmett, you do know that _I_ am the gay one, right? You're still straight, right?"

Emmett looks confused but answers, "I don't like guys. I'm in love with Rose. Why would you say that?"

"Cause you just sounded very excited about me having my dick sucked. And you know way too many words for a man's genitalia."

"I'm just happy that you could be happy. And I looked up all those names last night so I could tease you like a proper friend should. I'm not interested in guys Jasper but I don't want you to be afraid to talk to me about them. I won't be embarrassed if you want to talk about Edward or what you guys do on your dates or anything. I'm comfortable with who I am and I just want you to be as happy as Rose and I."

I'm touched, really. Emmett is too good of a friend. I smile at him and tell him thanks. Looking at the clock I see that it's already eight o'clock and I have homework I need to do before bed. I kick Emmett out and promise to keep him updated with 'my love life' – his words, not mine.

After I finish my homework I go to bed and think over our conversation. I shouldn't be surprised that Emmett was that supportive. He's always been there for me even when I didn't always fit in. He used to be my only friend until he encouraged me to join sports last year; that's when I gained more self-confidence and started to burst out of my shell. I really would be lost without him and knowing I have his support means the world to me.

Now that I have it though, I'm afraid he won't shut up about Edward. He's always been a bit meddlesome and now I've just handed him a new project on a silver platter. I'm worried that he won't be able to leave me alone until I've asked Edward out.

To be continued…

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it.

**Question:** What is your favorite slang term for penis? Mine is Disco Stick.

-Laura


	15. Second Saturday in Lent

Disclaimer: I don't own the books or the movies or the character's names but I do own these versions of the boys. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own.

A/N: Thanks for your continued support with this story.

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_Now that I have it though, I'm afraid he won't shut up about Edward. He's always been a bit meddlesome and now I've just handed him a new project on a silver platter. I'm worried that he won't be able to leave me alone until I've asked Edward out._

* * *

Chapter 15  
Second Saturday in Lent  
JPOV

Saturday morning dawns bright and early. Our game isn't until 2 o'clock but I have to get up early enough to finish my homework before I go or ma will chew my head off. I have just over four hours to work before I need to head to the school to warm up. I finish a bit early and pass the rest of my time by playing Halo on Xbox Live.

I pass ma on the way out the door as she's preparing something for dessert in the kitchen. She gives me a hug and tells me she'll see me at the game. Then she hands me a water bottle and a granola bar telling me I need to keep my strength up so we can win. Shaking my head I smile back at her and kiss her on the cheek before I go.

Once in the locker room I dress down quickly and head to the gym to warm up with the guys. About half of the team is already there just shooting hoops and goofing off. Coach is sitting on the bleachers talking to the coach from the other school. At 1:30 he blows his whistle and calls us around. He leads us out of the gym and into the locker rooms to get us pumped up for the game. We do some basic warm-ups and a few visualization exercises and it's finally time to go kick some ass!

Our team is announced and I feel a rush through my body as I listen to the crowd cheer for us. Jacob leads us onto the court and we get the crowd going by leading the wave – our pre-game crowd pleaser. It seems like the whole town has come to watch us play (which admittedly isn't that many people cause it's a pretty small town). I can see ma and pa with Grandma Hale sitting at half court talking to Emmett's parents.

I laugh hysterically when I see that not only is Grandma in her purple dress, she's also wearing the red hat! I point her out to Emmett and he starts laughing along with me. Then he points to a different section of the crowd and my breath catches in my throat as I see Edward stand up for the wave. He's sitting next to Alice and the two of them look like they're having a heated conversation. She looks unhappy with something he's said and crosses her arms as she looks away. Her eyes automatically zoom in and lock with mine and she starts waving and shouting with a smile on her face. Her volume makes Edward look too and the sound of the crowd seems to drown out for a few seconds as our eyes lock. He gives me a thumbs up and I think I see him mouth the words 'good luck' before my attention is diverted by Emmett's hand shaking my shoulder.

"Game time, lover boy," he whispers in my ear as he pulls me over to where Coach has the team gathered.

The first quarter goes smoothly and we're up by three points when the buzzer sounds. Everyone takes a water break before then next quarter starts. We have enough players on our team that we switch out players from play to play to keep us fresh. It's my turn on the court and I'll be blocking number 17, D Malloy, on the opposing team. He's pretty fast but doesn't seem like he'll be too much trouble.

One of his teammates passes him the ball and I follow him as he travels a few steps. He's a few inches shorter than me and I use that to my advantage as I try to take the ball from him. He pushes me away and I slip on the newly waxed gym floor and fall. When my arm hits the floor there is an audible crunch and a searing pain shoots up my arm before I feel my fingers go numb.

It's a few seconds before I hear the whistle blow and I'm still on the floor, clutching my right hand to my body trying in vain to make the pain stop. I vaguely remember last year when I fell off my bike and broke my right wrist but I don't remember it hurting this bad. _Fuck._

The next thing I know I'm surrounded by half the team and Coach is pulling me up asking if I can walk. Nodding my head I follow him to the bench. Ma, pa and Grandma Hale are standing on the sidelines; ma looks like she's about to faint and she's leaning on Pa. I try to smile at her so she knows I'm not going to drop over dead any time soon. I don't think my smile is that convincing.

Someone has called the paramedics and I'm hauled away in an ambulance even though I try to protest. I kept trying to tell them that I could ride to the hospital in my parents' car but nobody will listen to me; something about making sure my body isn't going into shock on the way.

The next few hours pass in a blur of pain and annoyance as I'm shuffled around the hospital to take x-rays and then to get yet another cast on my poor wrist. By the time I'm discharged I'm ready to fall into bed and ignore the rest of the world. The Doc gave me three days worth of Oxycodone to take while the pain is still bad and the first dose is already putting me to sleep.

I'm just crawling into bed as my bedroom door opens and Emmett comes in. I glare at him and tell him to go away so I can sleep. Ignoring me, as always, he comes over and sits next to me on my bed.

"I'll leave in a sec Jasper. I just wanted to let you know that they benched the guy you were blocking and charged him with a flagrant foul. We were all a bit distracted after you left and we almost lost the game but Mike ended up scoring a jump shot at the end and we won by a single point. It was awesome man; wish you had been there to see it.

"Anywho, Coach wants you to come to practice if you can this week. He knows you probably can't play but he wanted to talk to you about next year and the rest of the season. I'll be praying for you. Get better soon."

I nod that I understand and close my eyes, yawning. I don't even hear Emmett leave the room because I fall asleep so quickly. My dreams are too vivid and colorful the way they only are when I'm drugged and in pain. I imagine that Edward is there in my room with me and is playing the piano while I sleep. I don't ever want to wake up.

To be continued…

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A/N: Thanks for sticking with me while I've been writing this. I'd like to apologize once again for how long it's taken to get this posted. Please know that I won't give up on this story and I'll be doing my best to finish it before I go on vacation next week.

**Question:** Have you ever needed a cast? What was your worst injury and how did you get it?

**My answer**- I've never had a cast but I did almost cut my thumb off because I decided to eat an apple ("like a pirate") with a knife and sliced through the apple and most of my hand in the process. I ended up with 14 stitches and one hell of a pain. At least is was my non-dominate hand so I could still write and eat normally. Thank God for small miracles.

**Bonus Question**: Who can tell me where I got the name for the player that pushed Jasper? (D. Malloy)

-Laura


	16. Second Sunday in Lent (Part 1)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or it's characters. I do own lots of pasta now that lent is over and I can once again consume gluten; yay!

A/N: I can't believe I'm over 100 reviews right now! You guys rock my socks off :D For those of you that didn't figure it out – Malloy is a character from the books/movie Interview With a Vampire. But he also shares the same initials as my favorite bad boy from Harry Potter ;)

Thank you all so much for your continued reviews and support. I'm sorry I've not been responding to the reviews but right now I want to focus on writing the story. I hope you understand :/

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Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_I nod that I understand and close my eyes, yawning. I don't even hear Emmett leave the room because I fall asleep so quickly. My dreams are too vivid and colorful the way they only are when I'm drugged and in pain. I imagine that Edward is there in my room with me and is playing the piano while I sleep. I don't ever want to wake up._

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Chapter 16  
Second Sunday in Lent (Part 1)  
JPOV

I'm rudely awoken on Sunday morning by my alarm. Without thinking I reach over with my right hand to grab my phone and white hot pain runs through my arm and up through my head giving me a headache in addition to the throbbing in my wrist. I'm instantly reminded of my broken bones and yelp in pain.

Gingerly I set my right hand down and twist my body to reach my phone with my left hand. I quickly turn off the alarm and realize it's time to get up for church. But I don't think I can get through the whole service without passing out from the pain or from the painkillers. Therefore I take a few over the counter pain relievers and fall back asleep.

The next time I'm awoken it takes me a few moments to realize why. Then I hear talking through my door and realize someone is talking to my parents by the front door.

"Please dear, call me Carmen. And this is my husband Eleazar. No need to be so formal. But please, come in." I hear my mom's voice and a shuffle of feet as she presumably moves away from the door to let the visitor in.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs.… uh Carmen. And you Eleazar. My name is Edward Masen. I've been working with Jasper on our faith statements at church and I was wondering if he was feeling any better. We're a bit behind and I wanted to know if I could work with him for a bit so we can catch up?"

Edward's voice is so confident and silky. I can just imagine what he must look like standing at my door. Carefully shifting my body I grab my phone to check what time it is; just after 3 o'clock. He's giving up his Sunday afternoon to come visit me! My heart starts to beat faster and my cheeks flush; my reaction is frankly embarrassing but I don't even care. Edward's in my house and he came to see me!

Wincing, I shift myself up on my bed so that I'm sitting propped up on my pillows rather than lying down. My right arm is killing me but I try to ignore the pain so I can focus on the conversation out in the front room.

"Oh my! Aren't you just so polite; a real gentleman. What's that in your hands dear?" Ma is totally going to embarrass me.

"A carrot cake. I brought it for Jasper but I'm sure he'd share it with you if you'd like some." Edward sounds shy and I wish I could see his face right now.

Apparently it's now my father's turn to embarrass me as he says, "Jasper share? Ha! Very funny Edward. Thanks for the thought but there's no way Jasper will share that with us."

My mom chuckles and agrees with him. "He's right dear. Jasper loves carrot cake; it's his favorite. And it looks really moist. Did your mom make it; I wonder if she'd share the recipe?"

There's a few moments of silence before Edward responds, "Actually, no. I made it; and I'd be happy to pass on the recipe if you'd like. It was one of my grandma's."

Once again there is an awkward silence in the front room and I wish I could see what was going on. Eventually my mother speaks, "Thanks for offering dear. Maybe you could bring it to church next week?" There's a pause as Edward presumably answers. "Great! Well, you wait here for a moment and I'll go check on Jasper to see if he's feeling up to a visitor. I'll be back in a jiffy."

I can hear ma's footsteps get closer to my room before she quietly knocks on the door. "Jasper, Honey, can I come in?"

"Yes." My voice is a little horse because I haven't used it for almost a day but she gets the message and opens the door.

Her face is concerned and she walks over to me and sits down on the bed next to me. She puts the back of her hand on my forehead and asks, "How're you feeling? In a lot of pain?"

"It hurts. I took some painkillers this morning but I think they wore off a while ago. Can I take some more Oxycodone?"

Shaking her head she answers, "Not until you have something on your stomach. And you have a visitor here to see you – Edward, from church? He wanted to know if you want to work on your faith statements for a bit. I could bring you some food while you guys talk and then you could take the meds if you like?"

"Sure. That sounds good. I need to use the bathroom but you can bring him here. I'll be back in a sec."

"Okay Honey." She leans forward and kisses my forehead before getting off the bed. I quickly follow her and head for the toilet.

It's a bit awkward pulling down my pants because I have to do everything left handed but eventually I figure it out. Running my tongue along my teeth I grimace at the nasty feel and decide to brush my teeth while I'm here. It takes even longer to brush my teeth than it did to pee and wash my hand but I finally finish. My mouth is feeling minty fresh and I at least feel partly human as I make my way back to my room.

To be continued…

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A/N: Well…this is the beginning of end of the second week. (For those of you wondering, when I asked 'second week or third week' and you answered 'second week' you're about to find out why I asked. You may like the outcome a lot.)

**Question**: Who wants more of Jasper's grandma? I would be happy to write more but I want to know what you think of her as a character.

-Laura


	17. Second Sunday in Lent (Part 2)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but I do own the plot. I also own all mistakes because I have no beta. I'm not a religious expert, just a religious person.

A/N: Oh…the boys are bonding. Yay!

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Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_It's a bit awkward pulling down my pants because I have to do everything left handed but eventually I figure it out. Running my tongue along my teeth I grimace at the nasty feel and decide to brush my teeth while I'm here. It takes even longer to brush my teeth than it did to pee and wash my hand but I finally finish. My mouth is feeling minty fresh and I at least feel partly human as I make my way back to my room._

* * *

Chapter 17  
Second Sunday in Lent (Part 2)  
JPOV

When I get back to my room Edward is standing next to my bookcase looking over my DVD and game collection with his back to me. He has his black notebook in his hand and his glasses case is sticking out of his back pocket. He's wearing fitted jeans and a dark green T-shirt. His ass is cupped perfectly by the fit of the jeans and my mouth waters. I want to go over to him and wrap my arms around him from behind. I want to burry my head in his shoulder blades and feel his back flush with my chest.

In an effort to distract myself, I clear my throat as I enter the room. He immediately steps back looking guilty. "I…sorry for looking through your stuff…Hi."

Smiling at him I enter the room. "Hey." I make my way over to my bed and sit back down with my back against the headboard. Gesturing to my desk, my floor and my bed I say, "Have a seat wherever."

He joins me on the bed and sits at my feet cross-legged, putting his notebook and glasses case next to him on the bed. His eyes are shinning with concern as he asks, "That looked like it hurt yesterday. How are you feeling?"

I answer honestly. "It hurts like a bitch and I can't have any more pain meds until I eat. I ended up breaking one of my bones in two places when I feel. Last year I broke my wrist while riding my bike and when I fell yesterday the bone snapped in the same place. The doctor says it's going to take even longer for that one to heal because it's been broken before."

Edward winces in sympathy. "Szzz. That sucks man. How long will you have the cast?"

I shrug. "Don't know. Doc says it could be anywhere from six to ten weeks depending on how fast it heals and how careful I am for the next few weeks."

"So what about basketball? What are you going to do for the rest of the season?"

I shrug again. "Don't know. Coach Black wants me to come in this week and talk to him about it but I won't be able to play. There's only three games left and I won't be healed before that so I don't really know."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

"I know. But it still sucks. I'll be praying for you to get better quickly."

"Thanks." My face heats up a bit at his words but I ignore it when he talks again.

"Speaking of praying, we have a lot of catching up to do on our questions for youth group. You were gone on Wednesday so I wrote down my answer but we should probably still talk about it. And you need to come up with an answer too."

"Okay. Sounds like a plan. But I can't write anything down because of my hand so you'll just have to listen."

"I can write yours down for you if you want me to. Where's your paper?"

Looking around my room I try to remember where I left it. My eyes land on my desk and the pile of papers stacked in random places. I hope Edward doesn't think I'm a complete slob. At least I don't have dirty boxers on my floor.

"Somewhere on my desk I think? Try looking under my Chemistry book." I shift on the covers and try to sit criss-cross applesauce but have problems scooting back so I'm against the headboard again. I forget how much I use my right hand to do things – like help push me back when I'm sitting down. I probably look like I'm having a seizure when I try to scoot back using my legs and butt.

Edward gets off my bed and looks around my desk for a bit trying to find my paper. Eventually he finds it under my History paper and brings it to me. "Do you have something I can write with? I didn't bring a pencil."

Putting the paper next to me I direct Edward to my backpack and he selects an erasable pen. I tell him he can use a textbook to write on if he wants to but he shakes his head and gestures to his notebook, indicating he'll use that instead.

He sits back down at the end of the bed and smiles at me. "Okay. How do you want to do this? You want me to go first or do you want to start?"

Shrugging my shoulders I tell him I don't really care, whichever he'd prefer. He nods his head and takes out his paper telling me he'll go first because he already has the answer written down. He puts on his glasses and I'm once again reminded of Clark Kent.

My eyes are drawn to his hands as he plays with the pen, treating it like a drumstick. Up and down, back and forth, tap, tap, tap. He reads the question, "Have you ever felt God's presence? If so, explain. If not, what do you think it would feel like and why?"

To be continued…

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A/N: Sorry for the supper short chapters but I'm trying to keep them shorter for my own sanity. Hope you understand.

**Question**: Have you ever invited a crush over/been in a crush's room and realized that your room was a mess? Cause I totally hate that feeling and I know how self-conscious Jasper must feel.

-Laura


	18. Second Sunday in Lent (Part 3)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except this yummy snickers bar. All mistakes are my own.

A/N: This chapter is a little bit longer to make up for the last two shorter chapters. I'll be posting more tomorrow.

You can find a link to the song mentioned in this chapter on my profile.

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_My eyes are drawn to his hands as he plays with the pen, treating it like a drumstick. Up and down, back and forth, tap, tap, tap. He reads the question, "Have you ever felt God's presence? If so, explain. If not, what do you think it would feel like and why?"_

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Chapter 18  
Second Sunday in Lent (Part 3)  
JPOV

He looks back up as he starts answering, not needing to read from his paper. "I mentioned it a little last week when I was talking about why I started going to church. I felt this warmth go through my body and I felt like I wasn't alone. I think that was the first time I felt God's presence and realized what it was.

"The only other time that stands out to me was at my grandma's funeral last year. She died a little over a year ago – last Monday was the anniversary of her death. We were really close. She was the one that taught me how to bake and helped me with my homework. She was the first one I came out to officially and she didn't care. In fact, she bought all the gay bumper stickers she could find and put them on her car to support me. She was amazing.

"She had a stroke and was pronounced dead on the way to the hospital. Her funeral was five days after she died. I didn't talk to anyone for all five days – just stayed in my room and cried. The service was indoors because the weather was too cold to have it outside but I couldn't breath in the funeral home so I left right after the service started and sat outside on the steps. It was snowing outside but I'd left my coat inside. I didn't care. I was so sad and angry that I sat there in just a T-shirt.

"I couldn't hear much of what was happening inside but I did hear when they started playing Grandma Elizabeth's favorite song – _Everybody Loves Somebody_ by Dean Martin. She used to sing me to sleep with that song. I remember listening to the music and suddenly feeling like I wasn't alone or cold anymore. It felt like I'd been wrapped in a big fluffy blanket and nothing could harm me. But I also didn't feel sad anymore. It was like I knew she was in a better place and was happy. And I couldn't feel sad when I knew she was happy.

"Maybe that wasn't God, maybe it was Grandma sent down as an angel. Whatever it was, I needed to feel it and I'll always remember the way it made me feel. I'll always know that God is watching over me when I'm having a hard time because he's proved it before. Every time I'm feeling sad I remember that feeling and life seems just a little bit easier."

Sometime when he was talking Edward stopped looking at me and instead started staring out my window. His hand stopped drumming the pen and his face took on a pensive expression. When he finished his story he took a few deep breaths and started moving the pen again as he looked back at me.

I'm speechless. I've never known anyone that's died so I have no idea what that must have felt like. Grand pappy died when I was too young to understand and I've never known my grandparents on my pa's side. I do know that it couldn't have been easy for Edward to talk about it though. I feel like I've just been granted a glimpse into his soul. His guard was completely down and he let me in; I feel blessed.

I say the only thing I can think of. "Thank you."

Edward's eyebrows crinkle together and he tilts his head a bit. "Why?"

"Thank you for sharing that with me. I know that was a really personal memory and I'm glad you trusted me with it." I smile to show him I'm being sincere.

His answering smile makes my breath catch in my throat. "No problem. For some reason I find it really easy to talk to you. Most of the time it's hard for me to talk about Grandma Elizabeth because it's too painful. But I think I needed that."

We sit there staring at each other for a few moments before Edward speaks again, "Okay…your turn. Have you ever felt God's presence?"

Leaning my head back on the headboard I close my eyes and think for a moment. The answer that comes to me seems so lame compared to his story – but it's all I have.

Nodding my head I start talking. Edward stops drumming the pen and starts writing as I speak. "Yes. When I was little I never wanted to be out of my ma's sight. I would even cry when she walked around the corner in the grocery store. One day when I was about seven or eight my pa was at work and ma needed to run to the store for cold medicine because I was sick. The store was literally right around the corner and she would be back in less than ten minutes.

"Ma left me on the couch with the phone right next to me so I could call her if I needed to. The house was completely quiet and she was only gone for a few minutes before I started to panic. Even though it was the middle of the afternoon it felt like the whole house got darker and more sinister when she was gone. I wanted to call her but I couldn't remember her phone number in my panic.

"I had to go to the bathroom but I didn't want to get off the couch because I was scared. I remember crying and trying to burry my face in the cushions. Then I remember hearing someone's voice far in the distance telling me to shhh and that everything would be okay. I remember seeing a light in the hallway and the voice got a little bit louder.

"Maybe my memory is playing tricks on me because I was little and scared but I swear I remember the voice calling me by my name and telling me not to be afraid, that I was safe. And I believed the voice. I even got off the couch and went to the bathroom. The light was already on when I got there. I don't remember the light being on before the voice talked to me but it probably was. Regardless, I felt safe and wasn't scared anymore. I didn't even feel as sick when ma returned a few minutes later.

"Even as a young kid I knew it was God. In my mind I imagined the voice looks a lot like Jesus. It's kind of lame compared to your memory though."

Edward stops writing half way through his sentence and looks up at me with a frown on his face. "It's not lame. Just because God was there when you were scared, that doesn't make it any less amazing than when he was there for me when I was sad. Everyone has different experiences Jasper – that doesn't make one better than the other. In fact, I'm just thankful that I've felt His presence. Some people will never open their hearts enough to know God. They're the ones that you should feel sorry for."

It feels like my heart melts inside of me. I whisper the words before I can stop myself, "Wow… You're amazing."

My breath catches in my throat and I stop breathing for a few seconds. His eyes lock with mine; they're filled with questions. I can't believe I just said that out loud. My lips part and I can feel how hot my breath is on my lips. I'm aware that my left knee has started bouncing a little in nervous energy.

The air feels heavy and I'm suddenly warmer than I was a few minutes ago but the hairs on my arm are standing up like it's cold. Noticing my mouth is still open, I quickly close it and swallow. There's no saliva in my mouth and it's uncomfortable to swallow but I feel like it's necessary anyway. I can hear my heartbeat in my head and my ears are pulsing with the beat.

Edward moves the notebook off his lap and sets it beside him before removing his glasses and folding them into the front of his shirt. He still hasn't stopped looking at me. Now that his glasses are off I can see that his eyes are darker than normal, almost black instead of green. He shifts his weight and sits up on his knees, still looking at me. The questions are gone from his face and are replaced with a determination I'm too hopeful to name.

He slowly moves his right leg forward, crawling toward me. Then his left. He's still a few feet away from me. He picks up his right leg again –

My door swings open and bangs against the wall. "Here you are Jazzy. You're mom asked me to bring this up for you. There's some extra for…" Grandma Hale stops talking as she looks up from the tray in her hands and looks at my bed. "…your friend."

I close my eyes and try to imagine myself anywhere but here. I'm not sure if Grandma is reading the situation correctly, or if I am for that matter, but it doesn't look good. My cheeks heat up – only making it worse. I open my right eye and peak out to see what's going on. Edward is sitting back on his heels doing his best to look like he's been that way for a long time. He's also not looking Grandma in the face.

The startled look on Grandma Hale's face slowly turns into a smirk. She starts laughing and walks over to us; setting the tray of food down on my nightstand before turning to Edward and extending her hand. "Hello handsome. My name is Heidi but you can call me Grandma Hale. What's your name?"

He takes her hand and shakes it, a light blush forming on his pale cheeks. He looks her in the eyes as he responds, "Edward Anthony Masen ma'am; pleasure to meet you."

She smirks when she replies, "Oh the pleasure is _all_ mine." Grandma turns back to me and lifts an eyebrow before continuing, "I thought you boys were working on a project for church?"

I nod my head in the affirmative. "We are."

Edward shifts over to the side of the bed and starts gathering his things. "And we just finished so I guess I'll be leaving now." He starts walking toward the door – head down so he doesn't have to make eye contact with either of us.

I don't want him to leave! Dang Grandma and her cock-blocking. But I don't know what to say to get him to stay. _I'm_ uncomfortable and I'm used to Grandma's coy behavior so I can't imagine how awkward Edward must feel. Grandma looks at me and nods her head in Edwards direction, silently asking me a question; what I'm not entirely sure.

My mouth opens and I try to say something but I'm still stumped so I close it again. Grandma shakes her head at me and speaks up, "Edward dear!"

He stops walking and takes a moment before turning around to face us. He gives her a small smile as he asks, "Yes Grandma Hale?"

She doesn't say anything but walks over to him and takes his things from his hands, guiding him back toward my bed with one hand on his shoulder. "Just sit that handsome butt back on Jasper's bed and keep my grandson company while he eats his lunch. There's no need to run off in a hurry. Carmen made you some food and you wouldn't want to be rude to my daughter by leaving before you tried any, now would you? " She pushes him down on the bed and sets his notebook and glasses case down next to him before walking toward the door.

Both Edward and I are silent as we watch her grab the handle and start to pull the door closed. Before she closes it all the way she reminds me, "Make sure you take your pills after you eat. I'll be here until after dinner so holler if you need anything."

She pulls the door closed and the resulting click seems to echo around my entire room. I stare at the door for a few more seconds before forcing myself to look back at Edward. He still looks a little stunned as he turns his face toward mine before his mouth breaks out into a grin.

To be continued…

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A/N: *peeks out from behind bed sheets* Do you hate me too much for being a tease? Just remember that good things come to those who wait.

If anyone remembers back on Ash Wednesday Edward said that the last time he cried 'was a couple of days ago.' The reason why was because it was the anniversary of his grandma's death.

One of my favorite things is to hear about is how people perceive God's presence in their lives. I've heard many different stories and I chose a few to put in this chapter. I personally feel connected to God during big thunderstorms.

**Question/Kinda**: I'd love to hear your own stories about your personal connections with God/Jesus/Mother Mary/Angels if you'd be so kind as to share them with me.

-Laura


	19. Second Sunday in Lent (Part 4)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you'll find in this chapter except for the plot and all grammatical mistakes.

A/N: I'm back… hopefully this will have been worth the wait. Thanks to everyone that's reviewed. You guys seriously make my day. I've been having some computer issues with my online classes and reading your reviews has made the day sooooo much better. Thank you.

* * *

Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_She pulls the door closed and the resulting click seems to echo around my entire room. I stare at the door for a few more seconds before forcing myself to look back at Edward. He still looks a little stunned as he turns his face toward mine before his mouth breaks out into a huge grin._

* * *

Chapter 19  
Second Sunday in Lent (Part 4)  
JPOV

"Well that was awkward." His voice rings in amusement. "You're grandma sure is something else."

I release the breath I've been holding and smile back at him. "Yeah. She's a bit overwhelming at times. So…?"

"So?"

"What now?"

I'm trying not to hope too loudly but I desperately want Edward to do whatever it was that he was going to do before Grandma 'Pain in my Side' Hale came and interrupted us.

He fiddles with his glasses case and meets my eyes. The spark from earlier is back. A sideways smile appears on his face as he once again gets up on his knees to come toward me. This time I lean forward a little, anticipating what's going to happen next.

What I don't count on is how my movement is going to affect my wrist. Moving it just a little causes pain to shoot up my arm and I wince. Edward notices and immediately sits back down. The expression on his face is regretful. "Your arm; I forgot. You should probably eat something so you can take your medicine."

Sighing to myself I silently curse my wrist as I look over to my nightstand and inspect the food for the first time. Upon seeing what ma cooked my mood brightens slightly. She made my favorite, quesadillas with humus. There are three quesadillas, a bowl of humus, two bottles of water and two slices of carrot cake on the tray.

My stomach growls at the sight. Edward hears and laughs. "Yeah, you should _definitely_ eat something. You get started on that and I'll finish writing the last of your answer." He takes out my sheet from his binder and finds the abandoned pen, continuing with my answer. I watch him for a few moments, just studying the way his hand flexes as he moves it for certain letters. I notice how his hand grips the pen and wonder what that hand would look like wrapped around something else.

Realizing my thoughts are bordering on dangerous, I blink rapidly and try to focus on something else, anything else. My stomach rumbles again. _Food – perfect distraction. _I swing my legs over the side of the bed so I can grab the tray with my left hand. Next I carefully set it down on the bed to my left, scooting it over at the same time I try to bring my legs up. I end up falling down on my side, narrowly missing the food and jolting my wrist anyway.

My stumble alerts Edward to my incompetence and he tries to hide his smile as he caps the pen and puts his stuff on the floor. "Here, let me help you with that." He moves the tray over and repositions my pillow behind me while I once again sit with my back against my headboard. I sit criss-cross applesauce.

Once I'm settled, Edward sits down in front of me, mirroring my position so that our legs are almost touching. Then he sets the tray down to rest between us on our knees. He grabs one of the waters and unscrews the cap, handing the bottle to me, "Here ya go."

Taking the water I smile my thanks and gulp half the bottle in one go; I didn't even realize I was this thirsty. I don't want to put the bottle back on the tray because I'm afraid it will knock over and spill all over my bed but I can't twist my body far enough to put it on my nightstand. So I'm left with the half empty bottle waving through the air as I try to decide what to do with it.

Edward notices and takes it from me, screwing the cap back in place and setting it down on the side. "Just let me know when you want some more, kay?"

"Sure. Thanks." It's kind of embarrassing to have someone else help me with my lunch but at the same time it's sweet and almost makes it feel like we're in a relationship or on a date. I smile to myself at the thought. Then, remembering my manors I say, "Please, help yourself. You can have as much as you want."

We both look down at the plate and reach out for the quesadillas. Moving my hand, I wait for him to grab the first one. Then, seeing the carrot cake reminds me that Edward made it for me. I smile again; I seem to be doing a lot of that today. But I don't want him to know I was listening to the entire conversation earlier so I pretend I don't know where the cake came from. 'Thinking' out loud I say, "Yum. This carrot cake looks delicious. Mom usually makes them too dry. I wonder what she did different this time?"

There's silence for a few seconds and I look up out of the corner of my eyes to see Edward quickly swallow his bite. He awkwardly clears his throat before correcting me, "Um…actually…I made it."

Feigning surprise I raise my eyebrows and say, "Really? I didn't know that." I sound fake – rehearsed.

But Edward doesn't seem to notice. In fact, his cheeks get a shade darker and he starts fiddling with the bottom of his shirt as he mumbles, "Yeah…well…Emmett said it was your favorite and I wanted to make you something. As a get better soon type of thing. And I had the recipe so I thought I'd give it a try. That's why I'm here so late. I was going to come right after church but I wanted to bake that for you and it took longer than expected because I had to go to the store to get the ingredients for the frosting. And I'm rambling now so I'll just shut up."

He's looking down at his lap, the quesadilla in his right hand all but forgotten. And he's looking so nervous and adorable and kissable. _God I want to kiss him. _But instead I bump his foot with mine. When he looks up I say, "That's really nice of you Edward. Nobody's ever baked for me before. Well, except ma. But she doesn't count."

His blush eventually fades and he takes another bite of quesadilla but doesn't say anything else. I grab my own tortillad goodness and dip it in the humus after telling him that I'm saving the carrot cake for last – the best for last. That makes him smile. And then I smile at his smile. I feel like a girl again.

After wolfing down my first quesadilla I offer to split the last one with him but he tells me to have it. He picks up his slice of carrot cake and starts eating. The silence is killing me so I ask him the first question that comes to mind, "So, we don't really know much about each other. What do you want to be when you grow up?"

His answer surprises me, "A vet. You?"

"Teacher. My ma teaches at the elementary school so it's something I know a lot about. But I think I'd want to teach Humanities for middle school instead. What makes you want to be a vet?"

"My grandpa was a vet and grandma used to tell me stories about him. I guess it makes me feel more connected to them. And I really love animals. We have two dogs and a cat at home but I want more."

Swallowing my bite I speak again, "Okay. I asked you a question. Now you have to ask me one."

"Sure. Um…summer or winter?" We continue to eat as we talk.

"Winter?"

"Me too. I love the snow. Your turn."

"Favorite day of the week?" I can't think of anything better to ask.

"Wednesday. It's the middle of the week and I always feel like there's something to look forward to. What about you?"

"Monday."

"Really? I thought everyone hated Mondays?" He's teasing me; I can tell.

"Well, not me. I like school and I miss seeing everyone over the weekend. Youth group is nice on Sundays but I still feel like I don't really get to interact with people, like I'm missing out on something. I don't have any siblings so it can get kind of boring around here on the weekends."

He nods his head in understanding. "I guess that makes sense. Do you want siblings?"

"Yeah. I really want a younger brother. I think I'd be cool to teach him how to play sports and stuff. What about you, do you like having a sister?"

"Most of the time. She can get really needy but I still love her, you know?"

I nod my head yes even though I don't really know; it just seems like the right thing to do. Finishing my last bite of quesadilla I carefully pick up my fork with my left hand and slice into the carrot cake. Guiding the fork into my mouth is a bit challenging but I manage. _Oh my God. It's fucking delicious._ "Mmmm. So good."

Edward's staring at me with his mouth open a little bit and he licks his lips. He's not blinking. Once I've swallowed I smile at him and dive in for another bite. I'm half way through the slice before I realize we've stopped talking. "Oh. Sorry. Whose turn is it?"

He's still staring at me but answers, "Yours. I think."

I take another bite before I ask, "What's your biggest pet peeve? Mine is when people don't use their blinkers while driving. It's makes me crazy. I mean, they're there for a reason people! But nooo, it's totally safe to change four lanes of traffic without signaling. Yep, toootally safe."

Edward snaps out of it and chuckles. "Then you wouldn't like driving with my dad; he never uses them. It drives my mom nuts. I personally have a lot of pet peeves but one bothers me more than others. I really hate it when people assume they know everything there is to know about me once they find out I'm gay. It's like they think they know exactly who I am – if I'm smart, what kind of music I listen to, what car I drive, or if I play an instrument or whatever – just because of my sexual orientation. It's not like I'm some stereotype that has to fit perfectly into a neat little mold. I'm my own person and I just wish people would get to know me before they judge me."

My cheeks heat up and I look down, ashamed. I don't look at him as I speak, "I'm sorry Edward. I used to think the same thing and I acted like a jerk. I didn't get to know you and I'm sorry. I was confused and dealing with some stuff and I let it overshadow how I felt about you before I got to know you. I'm sor-"

He cuts me off. "It's okay, you don't have to say it again; I heard you the first time. Thank you for your apology. You keep saying that you were 'dealing with something' and that you 'were confused.' What does that mean?" He sounds so earnest and I make a snap decision to be honest with him and tell him the truth.

"I'm gay." There. I said it.

"You're gay. So you were confused?"

I finally look up at him and nod. "I was confused because I thought God hated gay people and I didn't want him to hate me. But I've been having these feelings and trying to ignore them. It was really hard to accept it so I tried to deny it to myself for a long time. It wasn't until we talked last week that I started to think that maybe God doesn't hate me and that it's okay to be gay. So I acted like a jerk because I didn't want to have to think about my own sexual orientation."

"You think God hates you?" Now he sounds concerned.

"No. Not anymore. I've accepted it now; mostly. I know God loves me and will always be there for me but it was difficult at first."

Edward seems to be thinking over what I've said and finally looks at me and smiles. "Thanks for telling me. And I'm here if you ever need to talk about something. I've been in your shoes so I might be able to help."

"Thanks."

"No problem…so…my turn…eat the rest of your cake…um…What's your type?"

_Oh no, how am I supposed to answer that?_ "Type?"

"Yeah. Like, what kind of guy do you like?"

I take a bite of cake while trying to come up with an answer that won't make me confess how I feel about him. Finally I come up with, "It's all a little new to me so I'm not really sure. I like pale skin? And smart guys. You?"

He grins and winks, saying, "Blonds. And athletes, but he has to be smart too or I'd get bored. And I'd prefer it if he was Christian."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" _Oh God! Why did I ask that?_

"Not right now, no. I broke up with Marcus, my last boyfriend, a few months before I moved here. He was nice but we drifted apart. How about you? I'm guessing you've never had a boyfriend but did you ever date a girl?"

Swallowing the last of the cake I shake my head no.

His eyebrows rise in surprise before asking a follow up question, "Then have you ever kissed anybody?"

This time my cheeks flush as I shake my head no.

"Really? That sucks. Kissing is awesome." He gets a big goofy grin on his face as if remembering what it's like. "You should really try it sometime."

Looking away I mumble under my breath, "Yeah. Well, I'd like to."

I feel the tray being lifted off my lap and watch as Edward leans over and puts it back on my nightstand. Then he bites his lower lip and looks at me for a few moments. I can feel my skin start to get warmer under his gaze. A look of determination comes over his face and he picks up my right hand. I hiss as a pinprick of pain registers.

"Sorry," he whispers, brining my hand up to his mouth. His lips ghost over my fingertips in a soft kiss and an entirely different sensation travels up my arm, tickling all the way down by backside until it reaches my right toes. _How is it possible to feel that all the way down there? Wow. _He looks up at me and from this distance his eyes practically burn. I'm sure every thought, every passing image of the two of us together is written all over my face; he's surly able to read them all.

Gently he sets down my arm in my lap and gets up on his knees so that he can lean closer. He places his left hand behind me against the headboard to brace himself and his right hand cups my jaw as his thumb strokes back and forth a few times over my slight stubble. My whole body erupts in goose bumps; the muscles in my shoulder blades tense. His eyes are so black now that it's hard to make out the green on the outside, but it's there - now more forest green than grass green.

Queue my heartbeat accelerating. I have a moment to think that it can't possibly be healthy for my heart to keep changing tempo like this before I can feel Edward's warm breath on my face. He's now so close I can hear each quiet breath when he takes it but he doesn't come any closer. His eyes are locked with mine waiting for something. He cocks his eyebrows and lowers his gaze to my lips before looking me in the eyes again.

And I understand what he's asking. Not able to answer in words for fear of sounding like an idiot, I nod my head 'yes' a few inches. His lips twitch in a smile before he's finally coming closer. His hand on my jaw tilts my chin up a little as his lips meet mine. He's barely kissing me, just resting his lips against mine; not using any pressure.

Still, my eyes close and I suck in a quick breath through my nose as I push back against him, hard. His lips are soft and part a little under my pressure. I pull back slightly, letting my own lips part far enough to breath and open my eyes. The hand on my jaw pulls me forward again and for the second time my eyes close when our lips meet.

This time he molds his lips to mine and gives me the pressure I'm craving. He's not pushing hard enough to hurt, just firm enough that I know he's really there and I'm not imagining this. Too soon he pulls away and sits back on his heels; at least his hand is still cupping the side of my face.

His eyes dart around my face looking for something. Whatever it is, he seems to find it because he quickly leans forward and captures my lips briefly before scooting back and removing his hand from my jaw. The smile on his face only continues to get bigger as he watches me and exhales, "Mmmmm."

_I agree._

To be continued…

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A/N: I hope it was worth the wait. Please let me know what you think. It's been a long time since I've shared a first kiss so I hope I did it justice.

I'll be posting one more chapter tomorrow and then I'm going on a 10 day vacation. I'm not sure if I'll have internet access or not so it could be a while until I post again. The good news: the story finally has a reason to turn into "rated M" tomorrow so I'm leaving you all happy before I disappear.

**Question**: Where was your first kiss?

-Laura


	20. Second Sunday in Lent (Part 5)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I don't have a beta…yada yada yada.

A/N: Thank you for the kind reviews. Some of you sound like you had some amazing first kisses. That one under the tree sounded awesome - just so ya know.

Here's where it turns into a "Rated M" story. (Not NC-17 or R…just M…sorry.) Hope you enjoy…

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Previously on God Made You Perfect…

_His eyes dart around my face looking for something. Whatever it is, he seems to find it because he quickly leans forward and captures my lips briefly before scooting back and removing his hand from my jaw. The smile on his face only continues to get bigger as he watches me and exhales, "Mmmmm."_

I agree.

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Chapter 20  
Second Sunday in Lent (Part 5)  
JPOV

We stare at each other for a few more moments before I decide he's sitting too far away; I haven't had enough of him yet. I prop myself up on my knees and bring my left hand up behind his neck, pulling him toward me again. His body goes flush with mine and I moan. He's so warm. It makes my body sing – every nerve on fire.

I look into his eyes and play with the hair at the nape of his neck with my fingers. It's soft. Leaning my head forward I nudge his nose with mine and rest my forehead on his. Being this close to him feels so right. He smells amazing; like the desert after a summer rain storm and I can't get enough. I close my eyes for a few moments just trying to comprehend that he's really here. He brings his hands around me, holding me in a loose hug.

Opening my eyes I move my head back but keep our bodies together. His eyes are closed and a soft smile is pulling at his lips. He looks relaxed and somehow my body finds a way to melt into his even more, brining us even closer. The fire from a few moments ago is calming down and leaving a steady pulse in its place. I want to kiss Edward again, but this time I don't want to stop.

"Edward," I whisper. He opens his eyes and blinks slowly at me a few times before nodding his head. "Can I kiss you again?"

His cheeks turn a bit redder and he ducks his head for a moment before smiling up at me. "Nobody's ever asked me that before. Yes, please do."

I don't wait to be told twice. Once again I pull on the back of his neck and he comes closer. I meet him half way and press my lips up against his. The first time we kissed I was so overwhelmed by the thoughts running through my head I didn't let myself relax and enjoy it. This time, I try to forget everything else and just feel.

His lips are as soft as last time but now I notice how the bottom one is fuller than the top, just slightly. Breathing in through my nose I close my eyes as his scent fills my senses. I'm at once reminded of the endless sand and the powerful burst of lightning during a storm. I probably shouldn't find it as erotic as I do.

Tilting my head to the side I ride on instinct and nibble on his lower lip. He gasps against my mouth and squeezes me harder against him. I feel his tongue run along my bottom lip and immediately open my mouth a bit. He slowly moves his tongue in and licks the roof of my mouth. A jolt of fire runs down my body to my groin. _Holy Shit. _I'm aware that I make a sound deep in the back of my throat as I tentatively meet his tongue with mine.

The arms around my waist tighten and I can feel his chest rise and fall with each breath he takes; I can even hear it. And I notice that his breathing has started to pick up. He opens his mouth a bit wider and I start to explore it with my tongue. And then he's sucking on it, forming his mouth around my tongue and hollowing out his cheeks.

I can't help it and I buck my hips forward, thrusting against him. I wrap my arm around his neck and groan into his mouth; he's still sucking. Bringing my right hand around I spread my fingers out along his back – I don't even care that it hurts; it's worth it. _Fuck he feels so good._

"Mmm…Jasper," he gasps, releasing my tongue. He shifts his hips back and soon we're thrusting against each other in earnest. I tighten my arms as I thrust and hiss into his mouth but I'm too far gone to care.

"Jasper." He's so warm against me and the friction feels so fucking good. I feel like I could cum in just a few seconds. "Jasper…mmmm….wait…Jasper, stop."

I become aware that his hips have stilled and his arms are now gently pushing against my shoulders. Opening my eyes I pull away but my breathing is still heavy. _He doesn't want me_. That's all I can think. My face is heating and I swear I can feel tears in the corner of my eyes.

Not able to look him in the eyes I scoot back and sit back against the headboard again. I mumble, "Sorry."

"No. Jasper, look at me." I can't. "Please?" This time I chance a glance and see that he's still up on his knees and his hands are in his hair, pulling it and making it stick up in a million different directions. I can see the hard outline of his cock thought his jeans, just below his rumpled T-shirt. The disorder only makes him look more beautiful. "Look. _I'm_ sorry. I just. I like you Jasper, a lot. And I don't want to ruin whatever _this_ is between us because we moved too fast."

He's biting his bottom lip and his eyebrows are scrunched together in concern, waiting for my response. _He likes me. A lot. He likes me a lot._ I couldn't stop my grin if I tried. "I like you too."

Slowly he sinks back down on his heels and lets go of the breath he has been holding. He releases his hair and his growing smile matches mine. "Good. Ummm…and you sounded like you were in a lot of pain too. You still haven't taken your medicine."

"Oh... Right." I lean over and grab the bottle off my nightstand and attempt to open it. _Whose bright idea was it to put painkillers in a child proof bottle; how am I supposed to open them?_

Edward stands up and picks up my water bottle from the floor. _When did it even fall off the bed?_ Then he opens it and puts it next to me on the nightstand and takes the meds from me. He quickly opens the bottle and hands me a pill before offering the water.

I take the meds and hand the water back to him. He sets it down on the food tray and sits on the edge of the bed at my side. The silence lasts for a minute before I wonder out loud, "So what now?" I sound uncertain and nervous to my own ears.

"I guess that's up to you." His nerves from a moment ago are gone and in their place is confident, self-assured, sexy, Edward. Even his voice sounds confident as he continues, "Like I said, I like you. If it were entirely up to me I'd ask you out on a date and try to make you my boyfriend. But you have a say in this too. And you're still in the closet, so to speak, so I don't want to push you."

He's right. I'm still not _out_ and I don't know if I'll be ready any time soon to tell people. But he wants to take me on a date - and maybe want to be my boyfriend. And I want that so bad. Now that we've kissed there's no way I'll be able to give him up.

Looking to the side I mumble, "Youcouldaskmeoutonadateifyouwantedto."

"What was that? Sorry but I couldn't understand you." He sounds amused.

Gathering my confidence I sigh and look at him. "I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet but you could still ask me out on a date if you wanted to. I'd say yes."

Now he's defiantly amused. "Is that your way of asking _me_ on a date?"

"Maybe."

"Then yes." His eyes are twinkling; lips twitching in suppressed laughter. "How about this Saturday? We could go to a movie?"

"Really?" _God Jasper, could you sound any more pathetic?_ "I mean…great! But I'm really not ready to come out yet. So is it okay if it's a…um…secret date?"

"For now, yes. I really don't want to go back in the closet Jasper; I'm happy with who I am. But I understand that you're not ready. Lets just see how our date goes and take it from there, okay?"

I nod 'yes.' Really, he's being more than fair by giving me a chance at all.

He pulls out his phone from his back pocket and starts typing. "What's your number? So I can call you later to make plans." I tell him and then grab my phone to do the same.

"Holy Cow!" His exclamation surprises me and I almost drop my phone.

"What?"

"I've been here for over three hours. Mom said I had to be home by six for dinner; that was twenty minutes ago. I have to go. She's going to kill me!" He quickly stands up and gathers his things again before standing next to my bed.

In a quick move he walks over to me and tilts my head up with his hand on my chin, planting a firm, warm kiss on my lips before pulling away. "Mmmm. I'll be thinking about your kisses all night tonight – while I'm all alone in my bed - in nothing but my boxers." He chuckles when he sees my expression and walks to my door, swiftly opening it. Before pulling the door closed he says, "See you later Jasper."

I lean my head against the headboard and let out the breath I wasn't aware I was holding. The heal of my left hand automatically pushes down on my erection and I bite my lip to stop from moaning. _Fuck!_

My door opens suddenly and I move my hand as quickly as I can, my face heating up. Edward pops his head back in and smirks. "Oh, and Jasper?" I look at him expectantly, not sure if I'm prepared to hear what could come out of his mouth next. "I'll be praying for you to feel better soon."

And my heart melts a little in my chest as he quietly closes the door behind him.

To be continued…

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A/N: So…I know that wasn't as much smut as some (most…all) of you were hoping for but Jasper kept telling me he wasn't really ready yet. Soon though. And at least I gave you some heated kissing.

I'll be on vacation for the next 8 days. I'll write as much as I can while I'm away but I won't have Internet access until I get back. See you all then.

**Question**: What is your favorite movie? **Question 2**: Favorite country love song?

-Laura


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